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TOP FOUR LESSONS TO LEARN FROM THE NORTHEASTERN UNIVERSITY CRIME LOG REPORTS

1_ IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE, MAKE SURE IT'S FOR SOMETHING AWESOME LIKE THIS During the early-morning hours of November 20, two men happened upon a parked police cruiser while embarking on a jaunt down Columbus Avenue. The more daring of the two walked up the car's hood, across the windshield and roof, and hopped off the bumper. Sadly, an NUPD dispatcher had watched the whole performance on a closed-circuit security-camera monitor, and the 21-year-old swashbuckler was pinched for malicious destruction. According to the report, there were "several dents and footprints on the car." This leads us to wonder if he did a little happy dance before jumping down. (Originally reported by Anna Glina for the Huntington News, December 1, 2011.)

2_ WHILE THROWING A TOTALLY KICKASS PARTY, MAKE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN EVERYBODY ON THE STREET HAS A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR AND ISN'T A COP BEFORE YOU THROW WATER BALLOONS OFF THE ROOF At around 11 pm on September 5, a water balloon fell from the sky and struck a police officer walking through the Columbus Place parking lot. Police determined the source of that water balloon, other water balloons, and other unspecified flying objects was a Tremont Street apartment inhabited by numerous underage drinkers. Many of the under-21 carousers did not escape in time to avoid varying degrees of reprimanding. Total party foul. Oddly enough, basically the same thing happened at a different party later that month, except this time it was a beer bottle almost hitting a cruiser. (Originally reported by Anna Glina and Carolyn Willander in the Huntington News, September 15, 2011, and October 6, 2011.)

3_ DON'T HANG OUT WITH UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT STUDENTS (OR AT LEAST NOT THIS GUY) On the evening of October 25, police tracked down a student they suspected of being involved with pilfering a sign off a St. Stephen Street building. Though the sign was nowhere to be found in the man's room, he confessed that a pal of his visiting from the University of Vermont had swiped it over the weekend. When contacted, the Green Mountain State inhabitant verified that he took the sign, promised to mail it back, and threw his NU host under the bus by telling police that he allowed the sign to be stashed in his dorm for a night. The host was, therefore, subjected to disciplinary actions. (Originally reported by Anna Glina and Carolyn Willander in the Huntington News, September 15, 2011.)

4_ WE'RE SORRY, WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN HERE At 3 am on September 4, a woman asked her RA for helpful tips on lifting vomit stains out of sheets. The RA, an epitome of deductive reasoning, put two and two together and found her inquiring charge's 18-year-old roommate lying in a pool of her own boozy stomach fluid. (Originally reported by Anna Glina and Carolyn Willander in the Huntington News, September 15, 2011.)

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