From Russia with drugs

 
By DAN SAVAGE  |  February 2, 2006

I generally don’t agree with the advice you give, but I need help and I can’t talk to my friends.

About two months ago I broke off a relationship with a guy I had been seeing for about seven years. I am only 24 years old and I needed to explore other fish in the sea! I immediately hooked up with this Russian guy who I had been crushing on for some time. It turned out he spoke little English but he treated me amazing. We slept together and he stared deeply into my eyes and I was totally head over heels. He seemed just perfect in so many ways, except he lied to me about two things: his age and his use of hard drugs. A little exaggeration about age is fine, I guess, but I was distressed by how much time he spent messed up on cocaine, K, and E.

I went to a friend’s Christmas party and brought him. I tried to kiss him, but he told me he was too high. I felt rejected. Later, we were supposed to meet up in the evening after not seeing each other for a week. When I phoned he told me that he was too stoned to leave his house. I felt awful again. I dumped him over the phone. I was PMSing, which is probably gross for you to know but it affects my decision-making processes, so I thought you should be aware. The next day he came over with a friend who could translate for him. He was clearly high. I told him if he didn’t use drugs so much we could go out again. Two days later I went to his house to talk to him and he tried to give me a Christmas present, but I couldn’t accept it because he said he didn’t want to talk about us. I sat there dazed and finally left without saying goodbye.

The dilemma is that I can’t stop thinking about him. I have texted him many times but he hasn’t responded. I want to talk to him because I want to know if he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me at all and was waiting for me to leave him, or if he still likes me and for some reason he’s not responding.

What should I do? I need closure. Do you know what’s going on in his head? Am I crazy for trying to resolve things?

— Hurt Heart

For future reference, HH, the next time you want an advice columnist’s full attention — when you want him to, say, stop beating off about a three-way with Saturday Night Live’s Andy Samberg and Daniel V. from Project Runway, and focus instead like a laser beam on your problems — you might not want to open your letter with an insult such as, “I generally don’t agree with the advice you give but I need help.” If you were being assaulted would you call 911 and scream, “Fuck the pigs!”?

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