Could be verse: poetry ripped from the headlines
By JAMES PARKER | October 12, 2007
Lines upon learning that a Lexus parked on the grounds of an English stately home was “sexually attacked” by a peacock
Since by the sly Phoenician to the Pharaoh I was ferried
The days of my delight have been voluptuous and varied:
Beneath my plumes the concubines of Solomon did sigh,
And the minxy maids of Marie Antoinette were peacock pie.
But all this pride I cast aside: these loves, I soon dismissed ’em,
When I saw her in the driveway with her pre-collision system.
Related:
Being there, Fine, don't goat for it, Sigur Ros at the Orpheum, More 
- Being there
Being there fascinates us. We like to watch even if we don’t participate, we are reminded by “States of Siege: A Consideration of Re-enactment Photography,” at the University of Rhode Island Main Gallery through March 12.
- Fine, don't goat for it
Farming animals is a very inefficient, expensive, and environmentally destructive way of producing food and money.
- Sigur Ros at the Orpheum
Well, having done the research, I’m warming to this Jonsi Birgisson — gay, blind in one eye, loves Iron Maiden, plays the guitar with a cello bow, and sings, when the mood takes him, in a made-up language called “Hopelandic.”
- Evil incarnate
Metal reveres above all the single mind, undivided by doubt or the gentle dialectics of sanity.
- Excuse them while they kiss the sky
A friend of mine has a six-year-old son who has named each of his testicles. He calls one “Earth” and the other “Space.”
- Trash talk
Trash night. Trash night, trash night, trash night. Abfallnacht , as they probably call it in Germany.
- Till rust do us part
Lines upon learning that an artificial-intelligence researcher at the University of Maastricht, in the Netherlands, has predicted that, by 2050, robot-human marriage will be legal in the state of Massachusetts.
- Sexual dismay in the Milky Way
Lines upon learning that two professors from the University of Pennsylvania have concluded that men are currently happier than women
- Enter sandman
Lines upon reading about the anesthesiologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital who was suspended for falling asleep during an operation
- Who wants to be a filmmaker?
Anybody who’s had dealings with small children knows the importance of “the pitch.”
- Tears of joy
The best reality show ever will be called Monarch , and it will feature Donald Trump, Asia Carrera, Tony Robbins, Andy Rooney, Barbara Bush, Chuck D, Mike Barnicle, Bianca Jagger, Steve-O, former senator Conrad Burns, Soledad O’Brien, and General John Abizaid in a contest to become sovereign ruler of these United States.
- Less
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Lifestyle Features
, Marie Antoinette
