astro8) START SCOPING OUT THE HEAVENS — JUST IN CASE
Stargazing is a time-treasured summer pastime. But nowadays, the stakes are a bit higher. No longer just an idle way to while away a sultry July evening, that Celestron Refractor telescope may be more important to your future survival than you think. Should the shit eventually hit the fan here on Spaceship Earth, we may have to start looking for a new neighborhood. No less an authority than Stephen Hawking has said mankind better start colonizing space — toute de suite. “We won’t find anywhere as nice as Earth unless we go to another star system,” he’s said. “It is important for the human race to spread out into space for the survival of the species. Life on Earth is at the ever-increasing risk of being wiped out by a disaster, such as sudden global warming, nuclear war, a genetically engineered virus, or other dangers we have not yet thought of.” Don’t worry, though. I hear a nice one-bedroom condo can be had in the Alpha Centauri neighborhood for a song.

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