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A kiddie-diddling riddle

Dr Love Monkey

Dr. Lovemonkey: Mr. Donut

MISTER DONUT

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

There is a woman at work who I am quite interested in. We arrive at work rather early in the morning and about once a week now for the past several months, I have brought in a box of doughnuts for her and a few of our co-workers. Although she has thanked me, this has not really broken the ice. Is there something else that I should be doing?

Anxious to Connect

Dear Anxious,

I'm not sure where you have been getting your ideas from but, take it from the Doctor — courting by doughnut has never been a particularly successful ploy. I am speaking here of the male to female configuration here. In the other direction (female to male), doughnut procurement can be a frequent winner and has even been known to elicit a marriage proposal or two. But, you must understand that the woman-to-doughnut relationship is very different from the man-to-doughnut relationship. Why not ask her out for coffee or tea after work? Considering the fact that she has probably already made a connection between you and doughnuts, it is probably best that this prospective date be conducted in a doughnut-free environment. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with the doughnut, but romance has many flavors and, for most women, Bavarian Creme is not one of them. If it's bakery products that you feel most connected to, let me suggest the croissant. Just the fact that it is French gives it more sensual credibility. I must caution you, however, that all things French are not necessarily romantic; taking Jerry Lewis seriously and baths infrequently immediately spring to mind. You could just throw caution to the wind and forsake baked goods for the actual balanced meal in a real restaurant. Granted, this would be a bold move on your part. But, in a number of informal polls conducted by Dr. Lovemonkey during his long career in the fields of both eating and romance, he has found that the entire meal has charms that have yet to be matched by a handful of Munchkins. My advice is to go for the gold. Ask her out to an actual dinner that does not come in a box. You will be doing much better if she starts to associate you with, say, lobster bisque rather than jelly cruller.

HELLO, MY NAME IS . . .

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm a single guy, age 27, and I must say that I've been rather unsuccessful when it comes to approaching girls for dates. Right off the bat I start feeling defeated and I feel that this is a result of not having any good opening lines. Here's one that has never worked for me: "You're so beautiful that I'd drink a gallon of your bath water." Another one I've tried is, "Hey, you must be really tired because you've been running around in my dreams all night." Is it that these are really lame lines or do you think that it might be something else? I feel pretty confident about myself except for making that initial contact. Any advice on what to do?

Eddie

Dear Eddie,

Making initial contact with someone you find attractive and would like to get to know is, indeed, a stressful and trying exercise. This is probably because the whole notion of approaching someone you don't know is rife with self-consciousness and the one thing that almost always rings false is that self-consciousness. Women, who tend to be far more finely tuned to human relationships, can generally sniff it out from a mile away. The most important thing in approaching someone you don't know is to try and be natural. In short, prepared lines never work. If you really need "a line," try this one: "Hi, I'm Eddie."

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