Tyler Perry is no Douglas Sirk. In his latest melodrama, his uptight exec, San Francisco software company CEO Wesley Deeds, is no Madea, either. Hell, Deeds doesn't even know who he is himself. Astute viewers (what are you doing at this movie?) might figure out the root of his problem, though, and it's not so much his castrating mother (Phylicia Rashad), his ne'er-do-well brother (Brian White), or his bored fiancée (Gabrielle Union). Actually, it could have a bit to do with the last, if the cut to Alcatraz after their night of screwing means anything. "It felt like you were making love to someone else," she says. Someone like the homeless janitor (Thandie Newton — really?) in his office who stirs something deep within him? But when she admonishes the 6-year-old daughter she smuggles into her workplace with "You must not come out of the closet," you wonder if she's addressing the right person.