Putting the "zzzzzzzzz" into Ozzfest
"Vampires are bullshit. I'm the Prince of fucking Darkness," Ozzy Osbourne informed Kristen Stewart during a pop-culture-parody-montage video that segued into a kick-ass eruption of time-honored crowd pleasers. But if Ozzy Osbourne truly is the Fallen One made flesh, he should've used his wicked omnipotence to stop the deluge that made Ozzfest at the Comcast Center a week ago Tuesday a very soggy place. Perhaps the absence of blood sacrifices and sex rituals displeased him?
The main draws for Ozzfest 2010's six-date-long US tour — Ozzy, Mötley Crüe, and Rob Halford — ceased to be controversial or dangerous some time ago, and the audience reflected the band's temperance. Expectations raised by bygone Ozzfests went by the boards — this reporter witnessed no felonies, not even an energy-drink overdose. Instead, I saw a pair of pudgy suburban kids reuniting an elderly fellow with a wad of cash that had tumbled out of his pocket. Well played, gentlemen.
My ride couldn't get us to Mansfield till after the second stage's scheduled conclusion, and I was sad to miss somewhat-awesome thrash acts Goatwhore and Skeletonwitch. On the plus side, that meant I'd also missed Drowning Pool . . . or so I thought. Since the rain had put the kabosh on sets by that band and Black Label Society, Nonpoint invited their old pals Drowning Pool up to the main stage to play a couple of numbers. I don't understand why God hates me so much.
Can't knock Mötley Crüe, but isn't it odd how Nikki Sixx could pass for a Gypsy bag lady while 47-year-old Tommy Lee looks pretty much the same as he did in 1989? The drummer lamented the evening's dearth of visible boobies, whereupon 14 women lifted their shirts out of pity for Lee, the galaxy's only virgin rock star. Don't worry, Tommy. Someday, you'll meet the right girl.
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