The Big Hurt: Kanye leaks!

Plus Brit copper busted, Bieber fuming, and Tity Boi the tits
By DAVID THORPE  |  November 9, 2010

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The Guardian reports an extremely bizarre twist in the already strange trial of a successful English lawyer who was gunned down by police in 2008: the testimony of an officer who may have fired the fatal shot included a suspiciously high number of pop-song titles. Lord only knows what sort of deranged bet he was trying to win, but he really went for it, working in "Point of No Return," "Line of Fire," "Quiet Moments," and "Kicking Myself." All pretty common turns of phrase, I suppose — but I think he flew a little too close to the sun with the Membranes' "Fuck My Old Boots."

The officer was reprimanded and removed from "firearms duty," which is an English thing that sounds pretty bad. A new investigation of his foolishness is under way, and he may face further consequences. On the bright side, he surely has a friend out there who owes him a hundred quid.

Headline of the week, courtesy of nme.com — and I'm hesitant to use this, because it must be intentional, but it's just too good to pass up — "KANYE WEST's penis leaks on the internet."

Not sure whether you've heard of this guy, but there's an up-and-coming Southern rapper making headlines these days whose name is TITY BOI. Pronounced, y'know, the best possible way you could pronounce that. "Moms named me that. Some country shit, only child," he told hhnlive.com. "When I was comin' up, people always said I was a 'titty baby.' " I don't think anything in my entire life has ever made me as happy as this guy's name. Calling oneself "Tity Boi" is such an outrageous stroke of genius that I doubt the Young Bucks and Lil Scrappies out there can even live with themselves anymore. He's turned some kind of corner. Like, he's the first guy to call his band something rad like the Rangers instead of, y'know, Rudolph Sutton and his Minnesota Gentle-Boys.

In JUSTIN BIEBER's new memoir, he reveals something I wasn't aware of: he's a devout little dude. "Like, I'm a Christian," he told an AP interviewer. "I believe in God, I believe that Jesus died on a cross for my sins. I believe that I have a relationship and I'm able to talk to him." Damn it all! I hope he's at least a liberal Christian — not that I begrudge any person his or her faith, but it's just another of those infuriating little things that stand in the way of my tenderly caressing Justin Bieber's hair. I'm chipping away at my heterosexuality problem, but this one might be tough.

In other Bieberwatch affairs: it seems the boy is getting a little testy about a perceived lack of respect. In that same AP interview, he said, "People are always like, 'So, your hair is your trademark' and stuff. I'm like, no. My voice is my trademark, you know?" And the very same day, he was moaning to MTV news: "I really think that I did an acoustic album because there's a lot of haters out there that say, 'Justin Bieber can't sing. His voice is all Auto-Tuned.' And there's a lot with production, it kind of drowns out your voice, and it takes away from the singer, over the synths and everything."

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