When I dig into the press-release bin, I'm usually scavenging for cheap laughs and idiotic stunts. This week, however, I found something different: the melding of rock and literature. Incredible leaps in technology. Genuine advancements in the arts. Ladies and gentlemen, the future:
Decadent Publishing Taps LA Rock Band for Paranormal Romance Anthology
Paranormal romance is the single most important literary movement of our time. To judge by the shelves of Borders, novels about sexy vampires and beefcake mummies are the only things people read or write anymore. In fact, I've begun to outline my own paranormal Gothic-romance masterpiece. Not to give too much away, but it's going to be the Wuthering Heights of hot yetis. And I'd better act fast.
Why? Because genre pioneer Decadent Publishing is about to take this game to the next level — and I'm not sure I can keep up. The folks at Decadent aren't content merely to cash in on a trend; they're pushing the boundaries of the genre by combining the paranormal romance you need with the Hollywood throwback hair metal you crave! They've enlisted Sunset Strip hard-rock superstars Run Devil Run — who, I have verified through internet research, exist — to lend "their faces, titles, and lyrics as inspiration" for a new series of bogeyman soft-erotica novels.
Mari Freeman, one of the authors behind the series, is keen to combine her passion for rock with her steamy love affair with the written word: "Music has always influenced my writing, but creating a story, characters, and an entire world based on the lyrics of a song has been one of the most unique experiences." Run Devil Run person Jackie Joyride also registers his or her delight: "The fact that our music could inspire authors of this caliber to bring characters to life, I mean, it's a thrill for us. It's an ego boost for sure!"
Yes! It's an unmatched honor to be the musical muses to Freeman, author of such canonical works as Love Doctor, Plan for Pleasure, and the Booker Prize–winning Tease the Cougar.
The Black Eyed Peas Debut in World's First 360-Degree Mobile Music Video Created by will.i.apps
It's the 21st century, and I expect — nay, demand — that my Black Eyed Peas experiences deliver higher and higher degrees of immersion, until I can eventually jack into a Strange Days VR drug helmet, surround myself with infinite holographic Fergies, and experience the music of BEP as a full-body synesthetic orgy of sense and sound.
Thanks to the pioneering research of will.i.apps, I am one step closer. "Thirty years after the first music video aired on MTV, the will.i.apps team has reinvented how fans can be further immersed in the world of their favorite artists by pointing and swinging an iPhone, iPod touch, or iPad around a 360-degree axis that then changes the point of view. An entirely new form of music video, BEP360 uses digital teleportation to take fans deeper inside the world of The Black Eyed Peas." Steve Jobs can now die in peace, for his visionary mantle has been taken up by Will.i.am Gibson, cyberpunk genius.