Back out now, Nick. Quaker is probably making some seductive promises of co-branded snack/rock superstardom, but to them you're just a stepping stone to a bigger child star, and they'll steel-cut you into granola as soon as they're done with you. Before you know it, you'll be in some flophouse with the youngest kid from Hanson, cooking up shots of insulin in a rusty spoon, cursing the gregarious apple-cheeked pilgrim who swindled your fame away for a handful of oats.

Follow David Thorpe on Twitter: @arr.

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ARTICLES BY DAVID THORPE
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    Bieber was allegedly photographed sipping something from a double Styrofoam cup, in close proximity to a big bottle of codeine cough syrup. This can only add up to one thing: lean . That purple drank, the laudanum of Screw, the deadly nectar of Pimp C.

 See all articles by: DAVID THORPE

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