By the time you read this, Steve Harwell of SMASH MOUTH may be caked in sweat and yolk flecks, clutching his distended belly, groaning and wheezing — more so than usual, even. About a month ago, SomethingAwful.com writer Jon Hendren was poring over Twitter’s list of recently verified accounts, looking for fresh celebs to troll. Seeing that Smash Mouth’s Twitter account had just been confirmed, Jon (@fart) issued the following challenge:
“@smashmouth can i pay the lead guy to eat like 2 dozen eggs for $20. will meet u in SJ. please reply back if so, i am completely serious”
This simple act of cyberbullying spun into a full-fledged meme, with hundreds of like-minded twits overrunning the band’s Twitter and Facebook feeds. Finally, Harwell agreed: he’ll eat the eggs if the Internet public donates $10,000 to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital through causes.com. As I write this, the donation drive has already racked up more than $8000.
Last Thursday, Jon was invited to a Smash Mouth concert pre-party in lovely Saratoga, California. “They gave me a bunch of free wine and seated me next to some other ‘social media experts,’ who could be overheard describing the egg saga with terms like ‘unusual’ and ‘a breath of fresh air,’ ” Jon told me. “Sort of like how an art crowd would judge a cool drawing by a homeless guy. I felt somewhat uncomfortable.” He even got a chance to meet Mr. Harwell himself: “I made sure to get my photo taken with him before mentioning who I was or the egg thing. I expected him to uppercut me.
“I said, ‘Hey, thanks for eating the eggs.’ And he paused for about a second and looked at me and said, really seriously, ‘I’m going to eat those eggs. The eggs will get eaten.’ ”
I asked Jon where he had initially placed his chances in getting the Smash Mouth egg challenge to actually happen. “Near zero. I did not expect such absurdity would be allowed to exist in this universe.”
Full disclosure: I have a vested interest in this story. Jon Hendren is a longtime friend of mine, I still contribute regularly to SomethingAwful.com, and I really want to see the Smash Mouth dude eat the eggs.
Elsewhere in consequential developments: I wish I could make it out to Farmington Hills, Michigan, August 11-14, because boy howdy does the GATHERING OF JUGGALOS have some fun in store: carnival rides, Faygo wet T-shirt contests, unspecified seminars, Ms. Juggalette pageants, something called Hogdaddy’s Hellfire, and an all-star line-up of celebrity hosts: Charlie Sheen, Dustin Diamond, Flavor Flav, and a secret mystery guest!
I am fucking dying to know who this mystery guest is. Based on the others, it’s probably someone who enjoyed considerable fame and then spiraled into self-humiliation, ill-advised television appearances, and sexual grodiness. Bret Michaels? Eliot Spitzer?
And speaking of insane clowns, it’s been an eventful week for the ruined flinders of OASIS. Grumpy dadbrother Noel has announced a solo career, which is set to kick off with a new album this October. “Some of it’s vaudeville, some of it’s space jazz, some of it’s kraut rock,” boasted Noel. “And that’s just the first track.” Hyuk hyuk! Liam, unusually lucid due to his recent decision to quit drinking, took to Twitter to respond with a single incisive word, the capitalization of which I will preserve for full effect: “SHITBAG.”