I'm excited to find out which local Walmart store has the most new likes so I can share the experience of using Energy Sheets® with my fans, said Pitbull.
I checked the quote with Fuel Partnerships, the PR firm driving this thing, and I was given ironclad assurance of correctness: "Everything in regards to his quote is completely accurate."
Infected by Pitbull's enthusiasm, I decided to get involved. With the help of some friends on Twitter, including the incomparable @fart (fellow SomethingAwful.com writer Jon Hendren), I started a campaign to exile Pitbull to the Walmart on Kodiak Island, an icy, bear-infested locale just south of Alaska. As of now, the Kodiak Walmart has over 22,000 new "likes" on Facebook, putting it far ahead of any other Walmart in the nation — far ahead of Kodiak's actual population, in fact.
"I hear there's bear repellant at Kodiak, Alaska @walmartspecials @sheets #exilepitbull," Pitbull tweeted. "Daleeeeeee!"
Will he be mauled by a Kodiak? Stay tuned for further developments.
DAVID THORPE | firstname.lastname@example.org
: Big Hurt
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