DANIEL BROCKMAN, senior music writer, The Phoenix

1. Black Bananas "Acid Song" (from Rad Times Xpress IV)

2. Nicki Minaj "Pound the Alarm" (from Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded)

3. Lana Del Rey "Diet Mountain Dew" (from Born To Die)

4. Bruno Mars "Locked Out of Heaven" (single)

5. Grimes "Genesis" (from Visions)

6. Haifa Wehbe "Ezzay Ansak" (Mat2olish) (from MJK)

7. Zambri "Hundred Hearts" (from House of Baasa)

8. Ram "I Am The End" (from Death)

9. Santigold "Disparate Youth" (from Master of My Make-Believe)

10 A Place To Bury Strangers "So Far Away" (from Onwards To The Wall)

Music: they just keep making it, despite protestations from the listening public. Electricity, the wheel, refinable oil to power our mowers, this is progress we can use. But music? At this point, it represents nothing but the unrealistic aspirations of the rubes who keep cranking it out expecting some sort of award from us-- which ain't coming. Whether it's the ligher-than-air wisp of Grimes, the call-the-cops catchy theft of Bruno Mars, Zambri's attempt at the Top Gun theme song, the crushing whump of German doink-metallers Ram, or the mope-as-work-of-art presented by Lana Del Rey and her behind-the-scenes handlers, these yoinks that pass for the music world are like toddlers handing us their finger paintings and expecting us to pin it on the fridge. Umm, come back when you've actually accomplished something with your racket? In the meantime though, feel free to keep my toe tapping with your nonsense, on the off chance that I might lose my mind temporarily and be transported to a world that isn't on the precipice of imminent demise. Skål!

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