Average fairy tale

By AL DIAMON  |  May 3, 2006

The governor summoned his advisors. Is this Boobery issue a real concern, he asked, or does the writer of this column just like to use the word “Boob”?

The advisors were unanimous. “You are being made to look ridiculous,” they cried in unison. “Get your message out. Tell the public you have accomplished Great Things.”

“Tonight on NewsHole,” intoned a TV newscaster, “the governor responds to the Boob-gate Scandal. Governor, how do you respond to the Boob-gate Scandal?”

“Attention, public,” said Ferretpooter. “I have accomplished Great Things.”

“Now,” said the newscaster, “a response from the 18,093 people running against the governor.”

“He hasn’t accomplished Great Things,” cried all 18,093 in unison. “And even if he has, we would accomplish Greater Things. Although we have no idea what they might be.”

Too late. The tide of popular opinion had turned in Ferretpooter’s direction. Unfortunately, the governor had never learned to swim. Fortunately, nobody discovered that until after he’d won re-election with an overwhelming 16 percent of the vote. Unfortunately, the way they discovered his lack of aptitude for flotation was when the Stormy Sea of Political Turmoil tossed his battered remains on the Rocky Shores of Unfulfilled Promises. Fortunately, his corpse continued to serve as governor, but since it no longer attempted to accomplish Great Things (or Any Things, for that matter), his public approval ratings improved. Unfortunately, this joke may have gone on a little too long. Fortunately, it’s now over.

State law requires that tales like this must have a moral. So, here it is:

Sometimes, coming to a bad end beats no ending at all.

Email the author
Al Diamon: ishmaelia@gwi.net

 

< prev  1  |  2  | 
  Topics: News Features , Media, Television, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services,  More more >
| More


Most Popular
ARTICLES BY AL DIAMON
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   THE E.C. PLAN  |  September 12, 2014
    Independent gubernatorial candidate Eliot Cutler has proposed a much-needed change in the way Maine chooses its governor. Under the Cutler plan, the only people allowed to run would be those with the initials E.C.  
  •   PIMPING AND PANDERING  |  September 03, 2014
    And so, the excitement of the fall political campaigns begins.  
  •   BEAR WITH ME  |  August 31, 2014
    It’s the fall of 2015. A bear walks into a doughnut shop in Portland and says, “Give me two dozen assorted to go.”  
  •   LOOK OUT, CLEVELAND  |  August 21, 2014
    Eric Brakey is an energetic guy. But as an admirer of sloth, I have intense disdain for the excessively active.  
  •   LET 'EM FIGHT  |  August 14, 2014
    Politics and Other Mistakes

 See all articles by: AL DIAMON