The governor summoned his advisors. Is this Boobery issue a real concern, he asked, or does the writer of this column just like to use the word “Boob”?
The advisors were unanimous. “You are being made to look ridiculous,” they cried in unison. “Get your message out. Tell the public you have accomplished Great Things.”
“Tonight on NewsHole,” intoned a TV newscaster, “the governor responds to the Boob-gate Scandal. Governor, how do you respond to the Boob-gate Scandal?”
“Attention, public,” said Ferretpooter. “I have accomplished Great Things.”
“Now,” said the newscaster, “a response from the 18,093 people running against the governor.”
“He hasn’t accomplished Great Things,” cried all 18,093 in unison. “And even if he has, we would accomplish Greater Things. Although we have no idea what they might be.”
Too late. The tide of popular opinion had turned in Ferretpooter’s direction. Unfortunately, the governor had never learned to swim. Fortunately, nobody discovered that until after he’d won re-election with an overwhelming 16 percent of the vote. Unfortunately, the way they discovered his lack of aptitude for flotation was when the Stormy Sea of Political Turmoil tossed his battered remains on the Rocky Shores of Unfulfilled Promises. Fortunately, his corpse continued to serve as governor, but since it no longer attempted to accomplish Great Things (or Any Things, for that matter), his public approval ratings improved. Unfortunately, this joke may have gone on a little too long. Fortunately, it’s now over.
State law requires that tales like this must have a moral. So, here it is:
Sometimes, coming to a bad end beats no ending at all.
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Al Diamon: firstname.lastname@example.org