Poop and circumstance

By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  January 26, 2011

Huh? What did she think, all the judges were cops?

P+J are still dumbfounded. Out of all the things in the world she could celebrate, she chose a donut franchise? Why didn't she just say, "I'm from Rhode Island — the Obesity State!" Or she could have substituted another quite cooler legendary Vo Dilun eating establishment and crowed, "I'm from Rhode Island — the Olneyville System Gagger State!"

May we ask that, please, pretty please, the next time the pride of Little Rhody has to carry the banner on the national stage, she says something a little more reflective of the state's pride and image, something like "I'm from Rhode Island — the most DUIs per capita in the country!" Now if that wouldn't bring a sentimental tear to your eye . . . .


YOU CAN'T SAY THAT

If you are going to appear on any major network these days — especially as a hired hand — you better watch what you say. Otherwise, don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

Yes, we would like to dwell upon Keith Olbermann leaving MSNBC, but that would be too easy. Olbermann doubtless got sacked at almost precisely the same moment the controversial and controlling, right wing-leaning media giant Comcast merged with Keith's MSNBC parent company NBC Universal, but what's new? Since GE has owned NBC, they have brought in the phony chattering capon, Brian Williams, to give people a pretty face to look at while they get fed non-news by non-reporters under the (self-appointed) guise of being the New York Times of TV news. The ghastly, uninformed crap that now masquerades as journalism on the corporate airwaves, never mind the absolutely delusional and insulting excrement squeezed out on cable, has helped dumb down this country to the level of the bastard child of Slingblade and Snooki.

But P+J don't care what you do to Olbermann, just don't go messing with our beloved fashion policewoman, Joan Rivers, as Fox News just did.

Rivers evidently insulted Bungalow Jill, the shrieking nitwit Sarah Palin, who John McCain and the GOP foisted upon us two-plus years ago, simply by saying Palin is "stupid and a threat" in the wake of the Tucson killings. For that, she was quite unceremoniously bumped from her scheduled appearance on the unwatchable Fox & Friends on January 20. We wouldn't want Rupert "Dirty Digger" Murdoch's favorite concubine insulted, would we?

Fortunately, Joanie took the rejection in stride. And with the cutting Noel Coward-esque sly wit that has endeared her to Phillipe and Jorge, she simply riposted that Rupert and his arse-kissing posse could "go f**k themselves." Well, might as well tell them off in words they understand, right?


ROYAL RAP

How generous of P "Sean Combs" Diddy to offer to perform at Prince William and "Waity Katy" Middleton's April wedding. Unless Phillipe and Jorge are mistaken, it is a British monarchy tradition to have a clapped-out, second-rate rapper with a child's fantasized name as the headline performer at the country's most celebrated royal weddings — this one being the most la-dee-da since the House of Windsor finally found Chuckie a virgin and Princess Diana made the leap from obscurity to the tabloid front pages.

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  Topics: Phillipe And Jorge , Television, Prince William, Board of Regents for Elementary and Secondary Education,  More more >
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