One of the neighbors sums up this lunacy up by screaming, "You're standing out here all set to crucify someone! You're all set to find a scapegoat! You're all desperate to point some kind of a finger at a neighbor! Well, believe me, the only thing that will happen is we're going to eat each other up alive!"
It turns out that it is indeed aliens wreaking havoc by manipulating the power and machines on Maple Street from a nearby hillside, as they enjoy the chaotic mini-circus they have created. This is The Twilight Zone, after all.
When it comes to the Tea Baggers, though, the monsters in control have different addresses, like K Street and Wall Street.
The United States is big on symbolism, as it should be. Our beloved Stars and Stripes is known worldwide as an emblem of freedom, hope, opportunity, and justice (well, now just kinda, thanks to Messrs. Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld). And our arrow-clutching bald eagle is a pretty good reminder that if you're making too much trouble, we'll come down to shut you up.
Likewise, our presidents have carried a certain symbolic weight. We had the magisterial revolutionary hero, George Washington, lead us to independence; Abe Lincoln stood tall during the Civil War; a jut-jawed FDR brought us out of the recession and led us through a save-the-world war; and even Barack Obama served to show that we could drop our still deep-running prejudices and do what we perceived was right (at the time).
So as the clamor grows for New Jersey Governor Chris Christie to enter the Republican presidential primary, P&J may stun a few folks by saying, "Go for it, big guy!" Who better to represent modern-day America than a morbidly obese loudmouth lout from the Jersey shore. Right on the money!
Sleep tight in the Lincoln bedroom, Snooki.
WHY JOHNNY SHOULD READ
In Flandersville (not to be confused with Potterville), the city once known as Central Falls, one of the first things to go in the austerity push was the Adams Memorial Library, aka Central Falls Free Public Library.
But thanks to the dedication of volunteers, Adams Memorial, in business since 1910, has been able to keep its doors open since the city receiver's edict came down. If you value books and all they contain, you can help out by attending the Adams Memorial Library Gala on Friday, September 30 at the library (205 Central Street) at 6:30 pm. There will be entertainment, a silent auction, an open bar, hors d'ouevres, and special appearances by the giant puppets of Big Nazo and the mimes of Ten 31 Productions.
According to the organizers, "Proceeds from this event will help us to keep the Adams Memorial Library open and allow it to continue as a free community resource for thousands of patrons who use it each year for free and easy access to information, ideas, books and technology. In addition, proceeds will go toward creating and maintaining free literacy programs and classes for children and adults at the library."
For more information, contact Heidi Born at 401.536.0875 or email@example.com; be there or be square, and if you can't, send a check. Phillipe and Jorge will.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK. . .