(P.S. to the Doherty team: You blow this one, and it's time to pack it in. All you need, here, is a big poster with a picture of the colonel in the trooper uniform, "You Can Trust Me" striped across the top in huge letters, coupled with a smile and hearty handshake in public, and no spontaneous outbursts. Piece o' cake.)
THE GREAT SCORECARD IN THE SKY
So, if you are keeping track — and P&J certainly are — Saturday's big game makes it New England Patriots 2, God 0, with The Big Sir and his self-anointed earthly presence, Timmy Tebow, coming up short, 86-33, over the course of their two one-sided encounters this season.
There is no truth to the rumor that the Pats' humorless head coach Bill Belichick asked Commissioner Roger Goodell to force the Denver Broncos to bring an NFL-caliber quarterback with them the next time they visit Gillette Stadium, so at least his players get in some good practice before their next game.
Meanwhile, every national and local TV network, morning show and chat program, and most especially ESPN, should apologize to their viewers for the unfounded and unceasing beatification of the God-bothering Tebow the entire week prior to the blowout.
And if we are to continue enduring the disturbing inanity of posturing Tim and his Christian soldiers "Tebowing" in public, may we suggest that it be done with their mouths wide open in front of Vince Wilfork and the entire Patriots defense. (Gee, that was rather on the crudish side, wasn't it? Sorry, Heavenly Father. That's more contrition than Tebow showed. You let him down again, Big Fella. Let's pray to all the other gods that this ends the holy histrionics.)
STONE SOUP NEEDS YOU
For 30 years, Stone Soup Coffeehouse has been an important Vo Dilun cultural institution. Not only has it been the prime launching ground for a couple of generations of brilliant local singer/songwriters (Bill Harley, Joyce & Kate Katzberg, Atwater & Donnelly, Phil Edmonds, Mary Ann Rossoni . . . the list goes on and on), but it has brought the world's best folk musicians to town. In the next couple of months, major artists like Gordon Bok, Kate Taylor, and Geoff Muldaur will appear at Stone Soup (at St. Paul's Church, 50 Park Place, Pawtucket).
But the continuing terrible economic climate is taking its toll and, despite good audiences, Stone Soup has been losing money. The board of Stone Soup has sent out a letter to its friends asking for help to keep this venerable institution alive. They suggest a number of ways to pitch in.
You can help by going to soup.org and clicking on the "donate" button, using PayPal or a credit card. You can mail a check to Stone Soup Folk Arts Foundation, PO Box 1664, Pawtucket, RI 02862. Or (best way), become a Friend of Stone Soup for $45, which entitles you to three tickets to shows of your choice and some free coffee. Do it, and you've gone a long way toward keeping the folk tradition alive in the Biggest Little.
CRAZED GENIUS OF LAUREL CASEY
Laurel Casey, the cabaret performer who has been fired from more jobs than you'll ever have, is performing on January 19 at Lola's on South Water Street in Providence. Jorge can attest to the fact that the food at Lola's is quite spicy but nowhere near as spicy as the legendary Ms. Casey. Be there and experience beautiful music and a tongue lashing from a one-of-a-kind artist.
Send smoke signals and Pulitzer-grade tips to firstname.lastname@example.org.