As many of our readers know, Aquidneck Island has a huge problem with coyotes terrorizing pets and putting parents on edge. Recently, Middletown hired a hunter to blow away as many as he could find.

The move prompted a predictable backlash from animal lovers and scientists, who said killing was not the answer. Well, here's P&J's retort: fuck you.

On Sunday night at about 11 pm on East Main Road (Route 138) in Middletown, Phillipe almost crashed his car when a coyote about the size of a small Labrador* ran across the road. Perhaps the state troopers in the area, whose barracks are just a stone's throw from where the near-accident occurred, might want to add coyote catchers to their front-bumper deer guards, designed to protect them during high speed adventures from a suicidal Bambi.

P. has no love lost for coyotes, as his beloved cat, Gris-Gris, was killed by one in Newport a few years back. A bullet to the brain seems like a more than reasonable way of controlling these American hyenas. And with the Biggest Little's employment numbers in the toilet, the eradication program might be a good job creator.

Meanwhile, Aquidneck Island residents should be warned that these adorable little canines are getting a lot bolder these days. Lock and load, baby.


CURT REPLY

If there is a more delusional, whining, self-important, not-too-bright coward out there than Curt Schilling, P&J have yet to stumble across him.

Bill Reynolds's sports column in the ProJo this weekend hit the nail on the head. He wrote about professional athletes living in a dream world in which you and I are mere floaters on their eyeballs — to be rubbed away lest they distract from visions of their own greatness.

Never mind that most of them are blockheads like Schilling who barely have a high school education, but who are convinced that their opinions matter.

Over the weekend, P&J sat next to the noted sage Arthur Moitoza at a table in a local country club. He blithely told us, "Schilling's gonna sue the state. Just watch." On the nosey, Art!

Schilling has brass balls to think that it was Linc Chafee, speaking truth about the pitcher's failures, that screwed him with potential investors. No, they just saw a turkey being dropped into a tub of boiling oil, about to ignite a house with no fire extinguishers on hand.

The fact that Schilling refuses to man-up for the absolute tanking of his 38 Studios — and instead invokes Biblical passages on Facebook — shows just how out of touch this guy is. One could only imagine his employees' responses to the Phillipians reference: "How about having God send us a paycheck, a-hole? We bet you got yours."

The Red Sox have — and Schilling used to have — tens of thousands of fans in Rhode Island. Might P&J suggest that if the BoSox ever schedule an appreciation day for the ex-pitcher at Fenway, or if Curt even shows his face at McCoy Stadium for a PawSox game, the star bring at least twice the armor and ammo as one of his Amalur characters.


DISGRACE THE NATION UPDATE

"Stupid" and "thoughtless" were the words that came to mind when your superior correspondents heard the reports that somebody vandalized the Garden of Heroes war memorial at the State House on Memorial Day.

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