Phillipe and Jorge are a bit disappointed that Little Rhody's Theater of the Absurd iss closed following the First Congressional District Democratic primary Tuesday.
The battle between incumbent Congressman David "Little Chi-Chi" Cicilline and his main challenger, Ant-knee Gemma, was wonderful to behold because of the candidates' quite evident loathing of each other.
But it was more than that. Ant-knee, whom P&J have always considered a tuna salad sandwich short of a picnic, is a master of grandstanding — his claims of voter fraud by Chi-Chi in past elections being the prime example.
The fear, loathing, and general ridiculousness made this race the political equivalent of Keeping Up with Kardashians.
While the fringey third candidate Chris Young was largely marginalized (for any number of good reasons), he did manage to produce the most surreal moment of the race during the Channel 10 televised debate. From out of the blue, Young launched into an explanation of how guests at his upcoming marriage to Kara Russo, another wild-eyed political wannabe, would be expected to act at the ceremony and reception, which doubtless left viewers wondering if they had gone a little mad — the voices in their heads finally winning the battle for their minds.
P&J would suggest a long rest for Gemma, who has already announced that he shan't be voting for Cicilline in the general election. Always good to be the loyal team player, Ant-knee. Given Gemma's tattered reputation, perhaps Brendan will forgo trotting out Ant-knee for an endorsement.
With incumbent Congressman Jim Langevin strolling to a victory in his Democratic primary and facing little-known GOP candidate Mike Riley, you can be sure the Doherty-Cicilline race will be the hit show of the fall. Unless, of course, Republican Senate candidate Barry Hinckley, who is challenging Sheldon Whitehouse, doesn't have a head cramp and take adviser Travis Rowley's advice, asking for Barack Obama to be deported to Kenya or demanding that everyone who benefits from Obamacare be required to buy a Hinckley sailboat.
One of the most interesting things to watch in the Cicilline-Doherty race: how much out-of-state funding flows into the coffers of the two candidates. Chi-Chi is a tried and true Dem who is extremely vulnerable after nearly bankrupting Providence as mayor. And Doherty's role as a very credible challenger, with a reputation as a squeaky-clean state trooper already has GOP big-money boys calling him a "young gun." You can bet the Republican bucks will start flowing in like a flood. Indeed, they already have.
The blood will be splattered on the walls by the time this race is over. Chi-Chi is prepared to do anything to retain his seat (with an eye on bigger political prizes down the line, no doubt). And Doherty's reputation as a hard-ass and excellent boxer tell you all you need to know if you expect him to walk away from a fight.
Gosh, we can't wait. Get the popcorn and Jujubes out and settle into your seats.
POLITICAL ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
The political entertainment story of the week comes courtesy of Tim White of WPRI-TV news. An anonymous tipster sent White audio of Naught Providence mayor and leading Joe Pesci impersonator Charlie Lombardi dressing down a town firefighter for "disrespecting" Lombardi's family.