If the national media give attention to the totally demented ravings of the Christian Coalition’s ludicrous God-botherer Pat Robertson — most recently about Ariel Sharon — the Associated Press should pick up this following news.
The hand of Allah and other non-Christian gods have doubtless wrought the recent heart and foot problems of Dick “Big Time” Cheney, because of his advocacy of war and torture, and total disregard for the Constitution. Not to mention Big Time’s serial lying about the Dubya administration’s nefarious misdeeds. After speaking with our large collection of Mississippi mud voodoo dolls (merci, Reverend Zombie’s House of Voodoo in New Orleans), the higher gris-gris powers inform us that the next time Dick trots out his usual bullshit on Meet the Press, his already black, shriveled heart will seize up like a shark’s jaw, and he’ll be tipping his hat to Old Nick shortly afterwards. Don’t say we didn’t warn you, Big Time.
It’s time for a handful of Valiums, hot tea with Crown Royal and lemon, and a bit of a lie-down for those members of RI’s Italian community who have their Armani knickers in a twist over the supposed Italian-bashing of Samuel Alito. Many Italo-Americans took out a full-page ad in the Urinal this week to ask Senators Linc Chafee and Jack Reed to help stop the supposed attacks on those with roots in Italia. The catalyst seems to be an Oliphant cartoon, run by the BeloJo, which appeared to some to portray Alito and the loathsome Antonin Scalia as mobsters.
Yes, it is overreaction time on Federal Hill. P&J offer this word of wisdom: Basta! There is no state with more pride in its wonderful Italian heritage. OK, the Vo Dilun motto is “Mobsters and Lobsters,” but in the heyday of Raymond L.S. Patriarca’s Mafia — oops, sorry, John Cicilline, we know there’s no Mafia — the East Side elites took kind of a perverse pleasure in knowing we were home to such illicit dealings. Just don’t do it over here, thank you very much. The Italian-American community could point in turn to the local intellectual cachet of Brown and RISD, where many of their sons and daughters were sent with pride. (Step up, the Herb DeSimones, to give just one example.)
P&J love how we have such a strongly transplanted culture from Italy, and greatly admire and respect the contributions of immigrants. So calm down, respect yourselves for all you have given, and relax. And stop talking with your hands.
Quite a surprise at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, no doubt, when UNICEF goodwill ambassador Harry Belafonte called Dubya Bush the “greatest tyrant” and “greatest terrorist in the world” during a visit with Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez. Dubya will never see this or hear about it, of course, since the Boy in the Bubble’s handlers don’t allow such nasty remarks to intrude on his delusional worldview. Daylight come and we wan go home.
Our favorite candidate
P&J certainly expect fireworks in the Chafee/Laffey Republican primary contest for US Senate, and chances are that the Whitehouse/Brown race on the Democratic side is heading in the same direction. But, while those races will be getting much of the attention, true aficionados of entertainment politics will be glued to the multiple campaigns of Christopher Young, candidate for everything, winner of none.