This therapist used to say, “That’s your sixth sense, you just have this unbelievable perception about people.” I think that [prison] may have heightened that sense.
LOOKING AHEAD AND AROUND
MB: I want to talk a little about the future. I know there's another trial coming up sometime — in years, hopefully. Can you work? Can you get a job?
Oh sure, I mean, I ran the whole grill [at Bridgewater]; I didn’t just cook; I ordered the food, I planned the menu, I came up with a formula to determine how much we could purchase. I had to keep the budget.
MB: Do you want to live around Boston or do you want to go back to Western Mass.?
I’m probably going to stay in this area; I’ll never go back to the Berkshires. I’ll go back to visit; I would never feel safe there. I would be very uncomfortable and — my — you know, I hate to say, I’m not the one I’m worried about. I survived 21 years. But I would be more worried about … my mother, my sister, their kids. I’ve lived with a lot of things, but I don’t think I could ever live with the thought that somebody hurt somebody in my family because of their hatred or their belief in the untruths.
MB: And do you — as you walk around the city — have a new way of looking at what's around you?
Well you know, I — we walked around yesterday. I made a dry run (laughs) to go to probation because I wanted to know how to get there on my own. But, you know, we started walking around. We went by a few places, and there was a moment when we walked out on this [opening]. I got a little emotional, because I thought about all the people I know who I think are decent guys that are still struggling to get out of the system and to get what I’m having right now. People, a couple people I left behind that I cared about greatly, I thought about them. And then I seen these two ducks swimming around, and — I regrouped, and I was okay; we walked a little further and then I thought, you know, I just seen these two ducks, which is so simple Everybody else might not even pay attention. But to me, it was very beautiful to see these two ducks, and I kind of … you know. I got in awe, and the water was just sounding so beautiful and crisp against the stone, and I just — I got all emotional again … my ma was there, and I was thinking, you know, I’m living again.
On the Web
The Appalling Case of Bernard Baran: http://www.freebaran.org/
Inside the "Satan Scare" Industry: http://www.theroc.org/roc-mag/textarch/roc-08/roc08-06.htm
Judith Levine's Harmful to Minors: http://www.upress.umn.edu/Books/L/levine_harmful.html