One foot in the grave

By AL DIAMON  |  April 22, 2009

This lack of initiative, innovation, and intelligence on the part of the pachyderm party leaves voters with a choice between the mad (Democrats) and the mummified (Republicans). Since nutty candidates are way more entertaining than politicians hooked up to life-support even though all brain function has ceased, it's no wonder the Dems prevail. Not only does the GOP need to look alive, it also needs proposals that can score against the competition's on the insanity scale. Here are some psychiatrically questionable possibilities:

Eliminate the state Department of Education. Admit it, you have no idea what those bureaucrats do all day, except make life miserable for local schools that don't want to consolidate.

Eliminate the state Department of Economic and Community Development. You see any development going on? Me neither.

Fire any state employee who, during working hours, uses one or more of the following meaningless phrases: "creative economy," "sustainable growth," "safety net," "governmental transparency," "public-private partnership," "an open process that welcomes input from all stakeholders," and "Senate President Libby Mitchell has some great ideas." Make sensible English the official state language.

Endorse the TABOR II referendum to cap state spending that's on the November ballot. Promise that if it passes, the GOP will immediately cut the income tax by more than the Democrats ever dared and expand the sales tax by similar proportions.

Lower the retail price of liquor. Take a few million bucks back from New Hampshire. With every purchase, you get a free recipe for zombies.

Also, a new party slogan:

Better the living dead than living in the red.

Grave concerns may be e-mailed to me at aldiamon@herniahill.net.

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