One foot in the grave

By AL DIAMON  |  April 22, 2009

This lack of initiative, innovation, and intelligence on the part of the pachyderm party leaves voters with a choice between the mad (Democrats) and the mummified (Republicans). Since nutty candidates are way more entertaining than politicians hooked up to life-support even though all brain function has ceased, it's no wonder the Dems prevail. Not only does the GOP need to look alive, it also needs proposals that can score against the competition's on the insanity scale. Here are some psychiatrically questionable possibilities:

Eliminate the state Department of Education. Admit it, you have no idea what those bureaucrats do all day, except make life miserable for local schools that don't want to consolidate.

Eliminate the state Department of Economic and Community Development. You see any development going on? Me neither.

Fire any state employee who, during working hours, uses one or more of the following meaningless phrases: "creative economy," "sustainable growth," "safety net," "governmental transparency," "public-private partnership," "an open process that welcomes input from all stakeholders," and "Senate President Libby Mitchell has some great ideas." Make sensible English the official state language.

Endorse the TABOR II referendum to cap state spending that's on the November ballot. Promise that if it passes, the GOP will immediately cut the income tax by more than the Democrats ever dared and expand the sales tax by similar proportions.

Lower the retail price of liquor. Take a few million bucks back from New Hampshire. With every purchase, you get a free recipe for zombies.

Also, a new party slogan:

Better the living dead than living in the red.

Grave concerns may be e-mailed to me at aldiamon@herniahill.net.

< prev  1  |  2  | 
Related: Female Trouble, From carpenter to king, Poor reception, More more >
  Topics: Talking Politics , U.S. Government, U.S. State Government, Elections and Voting,  More more >
| More


Most Popular
ARTICLES BY AL DIAMON
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   THIS IS AN OUTRAGE  |  July 16, 2014
    Politics and other mistakes
  •   BETWEEN THE DYING AND THE DEAD  |  July 11, 2014
    Being politically deceased, you’d think Steve Woods would give us a break by putting on a dark suit, lying down in a coffin, and closing his eyes.
  •   ALL THE WRONG CHOICES  |  July 07, 2014
    Reform is in the air. Olympia Snowe and the Portland Press Herald are calling for changes in the way we elect our leaders in order to restore public confidence, end gridlock, and reverse global warming. There’s a much better chance they’ll accomplish that last one than either of the other two.  
  •   INSIDE GAME  |  June 25, 2014
    The university system’s decision to add Demeritt to its roster at a salary of $125,000 a year generated criticism because it was done by ignoring normal hiring procedures and came at a time when the system is facing budget shortfalls, program cuts, and layoffs. Demeritt is going to have to hit a lot of three-pointers to make up for all that negative reaction.
  •   WHICH WAY DO I TURN?  |  June 18, 2014
    Bruce Poliquin has a big problem.

 See all articles by: AL DIAMON