Our partner in radio crime, Buddy "Vincent A" Cianci, has been creaming his jeans on the air recently. The source of excitement: the predicament La Prov Mayor and Congressional candidate David "Little Chi-Chi" Cicilline and his police chief, Dean Esserman, find themselves in after the state police, led by Casa Diablo legend Brendan Doherty, had to arrest three cops and numerous citizens over a drug scandal in the city's own poh-leese force.
Obviously the Bud-I detests both Little Chi-Chi and Esserman. And there are so many subplots to this case, you couldn't sell it to a TV exec because it would sound too preposterous. To wit: the father of one of the civilians caught up in the case is a cop who was present when the Bud-I had his one-sided conversation with Ray DeLeo, the man he accused of having an affair with his estranged wife. And one of the other purported civilian dealers in the whole schlemiel was the same guy Little Chi-Chi's convicted lawyer brother attempted to shake down for a previous drug bust.
But this latest brouhaha is not all. There's the indictment of a police officer for allegedly beating the living crap out of a handcuffed suspect and charges against another for allegedly raping a 19-year-old at the Gordon Street substation. Esserman really has no place to go but out. And Little Chi-Chi would do well to use this ridiculous succession of cop dramas to pull out of his absurd run for Patrick Kennedy's Congressional seat, saying he needs to attend to the home cooking in the Capital City. But, of course, that will never happen because it's as absurd as the congressional run itself.
Chi Chi's in a bit of a bind. There's more than a little bit of disappointment in the Capital City with Chi (Exhibit A: a Latino community that feels it has not received the level of attention and opportunities it deserves for its strong support of Chi). But the real problem will be how it will look if Chi — after saying he won't be running for governor because of his commitment to Providence, then signing up for the 1st Congressional seat less than 48 hours after Patrick bows out — drops that race to compete for another term. Besides, the mayoral pig pile already has too many hot and sweaty bodies writhing out on Kennedy Plaza (all right, that's just a Casa Diablo fever dream).
Chi Chi is a very smart man and no political naïf. He knows that there's no way he can pull that sort of So You Think You Can Dance maneuver — even if he tried to graft the beneath-the-waist body of the great Vo Dilun tap legend Brian Jones onto the trunk of his own (another fever dream).
BALI (AND CENTRAL FALLS) HAI
May P+J make a strong suggestion to Little Rhody's education commissioner, Deborah Gist? We love the wild, white skunk streak in your hair — reminiscent of Elsa Lanchester in Bride of Frankenstein. But while you are in the life-ruining business of laying off all the teachers at Central Falls High School, perhaps you should ask the Urinal to use a picture that doesn't have you looking like the perky, upbeat lead in a Broadway musical. Bye-Bye Birdie, indeed. Get with it, honey.