Crack makes a comeback

By MATT TAIBBI  |  July 3, 2007

To refresh the general memory, Johnson was jailed earlier this year for violation of probation on a weapons charge. Police had raided his home in December and found six unregistered guns — this after he had been busted in 2005 on weapons charges.

Tank got 60 days and did his time, then he got out in May and went on the talk-show circuit, discussing how he wanted to be a model for behavioral reform, the kind of guy everyone can look to and say, “He’s really matured,” etc., etc. Then he went out and, at 3:30 in the morning in Gilbert, Arizona, was caught doing 40 in a 25 zone. Okay, that actually doesn’t sound too bad to me. Police drew blood from Johnson on the grounds that he “looked impaired” (read: black) and he was eventually charged with driving while “very slightly impaired.” (Read: very slightly impaired and very definitely black.)

The embarrassing PR proved too much for the Bears and they canned him the next day. “He compromised the credibility of our organization,” said Bears General Manager Jerry Angelo. This from the team that produced the “Super Bowl Shuffle”?

Meanwhile, Pacman, who is an elite player, probably has one chance left before he is, contractually speaking, worthless. He’s a step removed from being Lawrence Phillips playing in Canada. In other words, he’d then be theoretically employable in North American pro sports only if he saves a crippled child (or maybe a cute hamster) from a fire.

When he’s not googling “crack vets,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached atM_Taibbi@yahoo.com.

LEADER BOARD TOP TEN
PACMAN JONES (TITANS) | multiple offenses, leaving dude paralyzed, having rocks in his tiny head | 110
LAVON CHISLEY (PENN STATE) | murder (case pending) | 99
JIMMY LEON WILSON (MONTANA) | murder (case pending) | 99
JAMES CURRY (EX–TORONTO ARGONAUT) | murder (case pending) | 99
LOREN WADE (ARIZONA STATE) | murder, second degree | 98
STEVE SWINDAL (YANKEES) | DUI | 98
RON ARTEST (KINGS) | starving Socks, domestic violence, intimidation | 95
CURLY-HAIRED BOYFRIEND (GLOBE) | making strange, heated phone calls to strangers | 90
ELIJAH DUKES (D-RAYS) | stalking, threats, weed, multiple busts, being a dick | 82
TOM PARROS (RETIRED, RAIDERS) | creepy teen sex assault | 80

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