Bronx bum

By MATT TAIBBI  |  January 9, 2008

Sometimes, however, a post-departure incident develops. McAlister famously went bonkers at the start of a trip from Las Vegas, assaulting a flight attendant in a dispute over seating arrangements. The plane wasn’t even off the ground yet, though, so authorities escorted McAlister back into McCarren International and off to the county clink, eventually hitting him with a disorderly conduct charge. This time, the offender, a minor-league hockey player named David Cornacchia, one-upped that legacy. The 5-11, 200-pound defenseman for the Florida Everblades was reportedly upset at being denied alcohol on a flight from Toronto to Dallas and not only slapped a flight attendant, but head-butted a passenger in the face and then whipped out his flaccid penis for everyone to admire.

Formal charges have not been filed as of yet, but Cornacchia did issue an apology, saying he was “deeply remorseful” for his actions.

In other hockey-crime news, San Jose Sharks left-winger Ryane Clowe was nabbed for DUI just before the New Year, while TJ Oshie (University of North Dakota) and Mike Radja (University of New Hampshire) were busted in disorderly conduct incidents in Grand Forks, North Dakota, following a UNH victory over the Sioux this past week. Hockey arrests have been steadily picking up in the past year or so — they may start eating into football’s face time.

Note to self: 300-pound men not inconspicuous
Football players often talk about the value of “getting small” in order to break through the line of scrimmage. Normally the advice is given to running backs, but in this case, perhaps a defensive tackle should have listened.

Demarcus Granger, a 307-pound run-stuffing DT for the Oklahoma Sooners, missed the Fiesta Bowl this past week after being busted in Tempe, Arizona, for garment stuffing. It appears the behemoth tried to stuff a coat in his bag and then walk out the door at a Burlington Coat Factory. He was instead flagged down as he walked past the cash registers, busted, and rung up on shoplifting charges.

Who steals a winter coat in Tempe, Arizona?

Granger was an all–Big 12 second-teamer and an early favorite to go very high in the 2010 NFL draft. He can now probably count on early membership in the Laveranues Coles Memorial Third-Round Shoplifter Club. Give him 11 early points for the 2008 list.

When he’s not googling “Sooner, later” and “In-flight entertainment,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached atM_Taibbi@yahoo.com.

2008 LEADER BOARD
JIM LEYRITZ (YANKEES) | DUI manslaughter | 90
DAVID CORNACCHIA (FLA. EVERBLADES) | mid-flight assault, head-butting bystanders, exposing wine-shrunken wiener | 46
DEMARCUS GRANGER (OKLAHOMA) | stealing winter coat — in Arizona | 11
SHAUN WHITE (X-TREME SPORTS) | spraying fire extinguisher, acting like the little douchebag he is | 11

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