Celtic crossed

If a certifiable crazy man is signed to your position, here is what you don't do: act weirder than him
By MATT TAIBBI  |  March 4, 2009
090306_blotter_main
BAD TIMING: Rather than attempting to prove his worth to the Celtics, Pruitt (right) got busted for a DUI instead.
It was nice knowing ya, Gabe Pruitt.

Here's a career tip: when your employer decides to take a major risk and sign a well-known insane person with tattoos on his head and an extremely dicey behavioral history to play your position, the first thing you do not do is go out on the night after your team loses to the Clippers and get busted for a DUI. That is what is known as "bad timing." You see, normally in that situation, what you want to do is exactly the opposite: show up to work early looking bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, smile and say "Aw, shucks" a lot, and generally act the part of the sane, responsible, hard-working, dependable character guy whom the Celtics can rely upon if and when the Stephon Marbury experiment blows up in their green faces.

Instead, Pruitt, the former USC star turned pine-riding Celtics reserve, decided to use his trip home to LA as an excuse to go out boozing and driving around in a Mercedes at 3 am, only to be arrested for DUI by the Hollywood cops. This kid never really showed the Celtics that much. He can play defense and he can shoot, but there's just something about him that never felt right. Maybe it's the way his handle blows donkey balls, or the fact that he finds a way to get stripped or bounce the ball off someone's foot about once every four trips up the floor. Maybe it's the way he just looks terrified out there, like he'll shudder violently and decompose into trace elements if someone like Ron Artest or Jason Maxiell so much as breathes on him. Who knows? But we can safely presume that Pruitt's chance to be a real NBA contributor, at least with the Celtics, took a big nosedive this past week. Give him the standard 25 DUI points, and look for him to start an end-of-the-bench discussion club with Hamed Haddadi and Mike Wilks on the Grizzlies next year.

Back to Buffalo
It's odd enough when a city has one very serious crime involving a prominent athlete, but two more the very next week is pretty rare. If it was going to happen to any city, though, you couldn't go wrong guessing Buffalo, which — after dominating this space this past week (good job, Joe Panos!) — continues its quest to be named the most doomed and screwed place on the American continent.

First, the merely very bad news. Damone Brown, a former Syracuse basketball player turned NBA Development-League star, was arrested in Reno this past week on drug-trafficking and money-laundering charges. The 6-9 forward is currently playing for the D-League's Reno Bighorns, hence his arrest in that city. But the bust came in connection with a raid in Buffalo that resulted in the friendly-fire shooting of an FBI agent. Local and federal authorities executed the proverbial "early-morning raid" on a house on the east side of town, in an attempt to break up a drug gang called "31" (so named because of the Harriet Ross Tubman School 31, where many of the suspects had gone to school). The agent was apparently shot in the shoulder by another cop. Numerous suspects were arrested, with Brown — one of Buffalo's all-time-great high-school players — being the only one out of state. It seems the basketball star is accused of providing a safety-deposit box to the gang for safe-keeping of the proceeds from drug dealing — some $170,000 was found in the box.

1  |  2  |   next >
  Topics: Sports , Los Angeles, Sports, Reno Bighorns,  More more >
| More


Most Popular
ARTICLES BY MATT TAIBBI
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   SPORTS BLOTTER: DOWN, LINEMAN  |  September 01, 2010
    Brace yourselves, because this week we have, hands-down, the best sports-crime story of the year. Are you ready?
  •   SLAMMED: LANCE STEPHENSON'S COMEBACK GOES SOUTH  |  August 26, 2010
    Just a few months ago, Lance Stephenson was looking like basketball's feel-good comeback story.
  •   LET GO, METS  |  August 18, 2010
    As difficult as this summer has been for those of us counted among the Red Sox faithful, let's all agree: it would be a hell of a lot worse to be a New York Mets fan right now.
  •   FOOD FIGHTS  |  August 11, 2010
    At least it wasn't a home invasion.
  •   BUZZER BEATERS  |  August 04, 2010
    This is starting to get creepy.

 See all articles by: MATT TAIBBI