Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Think you should play Big Poppa? Fox has placed an open call -- and launched what's sure to be a virulent strain of viral marketing -- for wanna-be B-I-Gees to submit online screen tests beginning today at www.biggiecasting.com. Sort of like the Next Best Thing only with higher stakes. 

Already the cellulite is flying. This dude has mobilized his myspace peeps to campaign on his behalf, although if we're just going on looks, this guy has it down. In any case, This thread promises to provide endless amusement for at least a few days.

In the meantime, Fox has posted a brief script excerpt -- it's the one you're supposed to read for your screen test -- and it makes us wonder exactly how schmaltzy this thing's gonna get. No bonus points whatsoever for figuring out the dramatic context. Unfortunately, there is no actual rapping involved. Bummer.

INT. CONCERT STAGE – NIGHT

BIGGIE stands tall on the stage. In front of thousands of people, he’s alone right now. He has to do something. Biggie speaks to the crowd as though they were his closest friends.

BIGGIE

Yo! Yo, check it out!

The CROWD QUIETS DOWN.

BIGGIE

I had this friend, know what I’m sayin'. Me and duke were real cool. At least, I thought we were. But that's the thing about this business. Jealousy and envy will get you twisted, it will turn your best friend into your worst enemy. He warned me, but I didn’t believe him.

BIGGIE

Way I used to see the world was much clearer. I came out the drug game to do some thing clean but the rap game is even grimier. This dude is taking it to the streets and calling me out. We all know the rules – this ain't right. But I ain't no boy scout. I can't let this slide.

BIGGIE (CONT'D)

This song was made months before anything happened to my friend. It was supposed to come out a long time ago, but the record label thought it was too hardcore. But this dude won't believe me. Maybe nobody will. Frankly, at this point, I don't really care.

Not to burst everyone's bubble, but if the requirements are a) girth; b) brown skin; and c) an ability to quiet a crowd with the words, "Yo! Yo! Check it out!," then we think we know who's gonna get the part.