Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Tee hee! We're all a-titter over this week's Observer cover, although we can imagine Anna Wintour has an enormous bee buzzing in her bonnet right about now. Oh my! Here is this April's cover of Vogue, featuring LeBron James and Gisele Bundchen. It was shot by Annie Leibovitz: click for what might have been her "inspiration." As you might imagine, its been causing quite the stir!  Weeee! Here's the Observer's silly little spoof, conveniently timed to their magazine-themed issue. Doesn't Si Newhouse look ever so dainty? 
Monday, March 03, 2008
I'm delighted that the Telegraph decided to feature Crystal Renn, an extraordinarily successful plus-size model, in a feature today. But here's what I don't get. This is how writer Judy Rumbold opens her piece: To be honest, I expected Crystal Renn to be bigger. All right then, fatter. In the mind's eye, the term 'plus-size model' is liberally coated in doughnut batter, and I had her down as a gloriously buxom woman-mountain. Along with a name that sounds as if it's jumped off the embossed-foil cover of a Danielle Steel bodice-ripper, I'm anticipating a formidably blowsy, lipsticky package.That's the lede that she chose to draw the reader in? Which can only mean, of course, that she assumes that we assume that any story about a plus-size model must be discussing an overweight cow who is just talented enough to be the Big Girl poster child for the commercial side of the industry. Shut The Fuck Up, please -- who are you, Rumbold, the fashion scribe version of the Pick-Up Artist? We don't need to be negged into understanding what you're talking about, lady. What a stupid, dim-witted way of getting to the point. After being told to lose 10 inches off her hips or lose out on a modeling contract, Renn became anorexic. Then: She soon became withdrawn and neurotic, lying to her grandmother and friends about the extent to which she was starving herself. While everyone close to her thought she looked like death, the agency was thrilled. 'They were, like, "You look fabulous!"' But not quite fabulous enough. With a swimwear shoot looming, she forced herself to work out for nine hours, two days in a row - 'My body literally felt like it was crumbling' - before seeing her bookers again. 'They looked me up and down and said, "Your legs. You need to bring your legs down."'
Renn switched her contract to Ford. Since gaining back her normal weight -- she is a hot, curvy 20-something who gives ScarJo a run for her money -- she's appeared in Vogue, and, has shot ads for Saks, Nine West, and other assorted editorial campaigns. But how nice that no matter how far she's come, the Telegraph can't simply call her a size 16. They have to call her a "healthy" size 16, with the subtext of "healthy" meaning large. You know, fat. But pretty all the same! This is gross, gross, gross, and terrible, particularly after Ali Michael was shunned over her "fat" legs in Paris last week. Thanks, Telegraph, for feeding the clusterfuck. You know things are right with the world when teenagers are giving themselves body dysmorphic disorders over five pounds.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Thursday, February 07, 2008
CONFESSIONS OF A SMUGGLER
20 years ago
February 5, 1988 | Nancy Roosa wrote of her experience as a smuggler in Asia.
“The offers were almost too good to pass up. For simply carrying items from Hong Kong into Thailand or Taiwan, as we did, handwritten signs promised US $50 to $100. Even more common are ‘milk runs,’ where a group of milk-fed innocents are led by a smuggler on a five-to-six-day trip through Customs of three countries: South Korea, Japan, and Taiwan, carrying items that are limited, prohibited, or expensive in each country. In return, they receive free flights between the countries, rooms in good hotels, all meals, time off for sightseeing, pocket money, and a cash payment.”
THE BEST OF THE REST
25 years ago
February 8, 1983 | Phoenix columnist Alan Lupo injected new life into the practice of all-star selection.
“The nonjocks, or the asportual, need not feel left out. All-star teams should not be limited to muscular people who sweat and chew abscess-producing tobacco… Why not the following?
“The 10 Best US Presidents, five southpaws and five righties. A Secretaries of the Agriculture Hall of Fame roster. The Five Top Synagogue Custodians in the City of Kiev, 1850-1880. America’s Most Humorous Funeral-Home Ushers...The Five Lowest Academic Achievers in Portia Law History. A Short But Outstanding List of Revere Politicians Who Never Took a Dime.
“All-star selections must be open to all Americans. We’re talking access here, open covenants openly arrived at, community participation. So go ahead. Make up a list. For that matter, make up a category. Make up anything you want, and fill in the slots. Your rationale is no better or worse than the traditional reasoning used by the long-time practitioners of this craft.” Read Full Article
ANIMATION CASTRATION
30 years ago
February 7, 1978 | Brendan Murphy described how Boston Globe cartoonist Paul Szep had incurred the wrath of hard-nosed City Councilor Dapper O’Neil.
“It was two weeks before last November’s elections and Paul Szep, the Globe’s editorial cartoonist, was taking pot shots at O’Neil, who with the rest of the council was up for re-election. He had rendered O’Neil as a cross-eyed clown with holes in his elongated shoes,...wearing a button reading, ‘Keep Dapper — vote NO on Galvin plan’ (designed to make the council more representative). Below was the caption, ‘I have done nothing in particular, but I have done it very well.’
“This was on October 19. Eight days later Szep portrayed councilors O’Neil, Hicks, Langone, and Kerrigan as four clowns tumbling out of a tiny, dilapidated circus jalopy with ‘City Council’ license plates; the caption this time was ‘Four reasons to vote ‘yes’ on the Galvin Plan.’ So Dapper was fuming. But Paul Szep wasn’t nervous. ‘O’Neil threatened me. He’s sort of a caricature of what we think a city councilor to be . . . . But I’m not worried about a guy of the age and condition of Dapper O’Neil. I’ve spent too long, between boxing and hockey: I can take care of a guy like that.’ ”
PURSE SNATCHERS
35 years ago
February 6, 1973 | Susan Philips profiled Common Sense, a Cambridge-based tax service that advised people who wished to stop paying for the Vietnam War. “Having gone through a series of both ‘straight’ and war resistance tax training sessions, volunteers at Common Sense are aware of...the complicated details of filing returns. The novice workers cheerfully refer people to one of the experts for difficult calculations. ‘Actually the training of consultants at other tax services is no more extensive than at Common Sense,’ said one volunteer. ‘We’re just as qualified.’
“Common Sense is a project of the Roxbury War Tax Scholarship Fund. The Fund has an account in the Unity Bank of Roxbury where resisters can keep their tax money in escrow. If and when a personal bank account is seized for back taxes, the register can make it up by withdrawing the same sum from the Unity Bank. Interest on the fund’s account is directed to socially productive functions. In April and October of each year, members of RWTSF decide collectively where to award the monies. Last October $400 each was given to the Vietnam Resource Center in Cambridge and to the Vietnam Veterans Against the War (VVAW) Gainsville Defense Fund. RWTSF has a bail fund which includes about one-fourth of their total amount in the Unity Bank. Some members are in contact with prison groups to find individuals who need bail money. This money is also available for tax resisters.”
Monday, February 04, 2008
As always, in times of trouble, trial, and tribulation -- no less THE SINGLE WORST LOSS IN NEW ENGLAND SPORTS HISTORY -- we look to . . . Hannah Montana. Oh, Miley, what would you sing to a town writhing in misery this morning? What have you for the vanquished 2007-08 New England Patriots, a team whose season is destined to replace "Casey at the Bat" as the tragic, cautionary sports tale of all time?
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Because in their new effort to "go green," they've determined that among 1,000 other magazines, The New Yorker's lengthy, wordy articles (for shame!) have destroyed too many trees. Poor David Remnick. Adam Moss triumphs over you...this time. Also, please bear in mind that Yachting magazine and Trump World will no longer be in stock at your favorite neighborhood market. So you'll just have to go ahead and subscribe, we guess.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
 Attack me if you dare, I will crush you reports that Jon Lovitz bashed Andy Dick's head in during an encounter at the Laugh Factory last weekend. None of our commentary can possibly top Lovitz's explanation: Lovitz and Dick have been at loggerheads since a
1997 Christmas party at [late comedian Phil] Hartman's house, five months before his
troubled wife Brynn flipped out, fatally shooting Hartman, then killing
herself. "Andy was doing cocaine, and he gave Brynn some after she had
been sober for 10 years. Phil was furious about it - and then five
months later he's dead," said Lovitz, adding that when he filled in on
Hartman's "Newsradio" sitcom, "I told Andy, 'I wouldn't be here now if
you hadn't given Brynn that cocaine.' "
If that's true, then just wow. Lovitz also said that his fellow comics are glad he did it. Here's a Simpsons/ Critic crossover in Lovitz's honor:
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