Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Would the driver of a dark-blue van with aluminum ladders attached to the roof and the letters ELM painted on its sides please report to the Phoenix office, so I can smack you in the face with a nine-pound hammer.

I was just driving to work this morning on the Pike in the second-from-the-left lane somewhere around Newton — doing about 60 — and this big blue vehicle labeled ELM starts drifting into my lane from the right at a fairly high rate of speed. So I honk; just a short toot, assuming it's just another fool on his cell phone, but does he drift back to the right? No, he accelerates and pulls into my lane, which is tantamount to steering into the side of my car.

Fortunately even my clumsy little Toyota was capable of responding to my deft emergency evasive maneuvers, and after a bit of zigging and zagging and judicious alternating applications of brakes, gas, and side-view mirror, I got out of his way.

Without trying, I caught up to the bastard at the Allston tolls, but he was still weaving and speeding and, I was unable to get his license number — or read the address under the ELM. Thus this jerk avoided being identified more precisely.

I do hope his boss (who no doubt paid a lot for that tuck) is a hip guy who reads the Phlog. Failing that, I can only hope that his next high-speed lane wander takes him into the path of one of those classless Cadillac SUVs driven by someone reading a text message. Or a state cop.

3/25/2008 1:19:24 PM by Clif Garboden | Comments [0] |  
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