PHILLIPE AND JORGE

It's not OK with us

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:42:07 GMT

Those arrogant US auto execs need a major comeuppance
The utter arrogance of the CEOs of the Big Three auto companies was on full display last week when it was pointed out that they came to Washington with their hats in hand for a bailout by flying in on their individual corporate jets.

The utter arrogance of the CEOs of the Big Three auto companies was on full display last week when it was pointed out that they came to Washington with their hats in hand for a bailout by flying in on their individual corporate jets.

This was not lost on the members of the House Financial Services Committee, before whom they appeared, who rightly tore them new arseholes for their self-indulgence. As US Representative Gary L. Ackerman (D-N.Y.) said: "It's almost like seeing a guy show up at the soup kitchen in high-hat and tuxedo. . . . I mean, couldn't you all have downgraded to first or jet-pooled or something to get here?"

Actually, Phillipe + Jorge would have gone to more extreme lengths, such as having them all beaten to within an inch of their lives with a tailpipe in front of a full house of laid-off auto workers at the Pontiac Silverdome. But there seems to be some Congressional law that P+J have yet to unearth that does not permit a CEO — even one of a company that he or she has run into the ground — from being fired without a golden parachute.

This despite a jaw-dropping display of cluelessness in the face of total incompetence in the exchange between US Representative Peter Roskam (R-Ill.) and Richard Wagoner when Roskam asked if they would work for a dollar a year, as Chrysler's Robert Nardelli has supposedly said he would do (in which case he would still be overpaid): "I don't have a position on that today," said Wagoner, who in 2007 made $15.7 million. "I understand the intent, but I think where we are is okay," replied Ford's Alan Mulally, who is taking down $21.7 million annually. "I'm asking about you," Roskam responded. "I think I'm okay where I am," Mulally said.

P+J, and we are sure many others, think you would be OK where you are — only if it was in a burlap sack full of concrete at the bottom of Lake Michigan.

The number one thing that Congress should be asking for from any company to which taxpayers' dollars are given to bail them out should be for the immediate firing of their CEOs, and a restriction on the salaries and bonuses of any top-level executives and managers to no more than $200,000 per year, and even have all of those earnings justified by annual performance.

Can't get by on that, boys? There's the door. Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out. And happy job hunting, with those resumes.

Playing to our strength

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 22:18:14 GMT

Nothing like a mass bust for a sense of old-time mobbed-up Rhode Island
Well, despite the fact that Little Rhody has become the poster child for the national recession, leading all states in statistical categories like unemployment and debt per capita, it is nice to know that we are able to deflect public attention from our economic crisis by playing to our traditional strength: organized crime.

Well, despite the fact that Little Rhody has become the poster child for the national recession, leading all states in statistical categories like unemployment and debt per capita, it is nice to know that we are able to deflect public attention from our economic crisis by playing to our traditional strength: organized crime.

Forget all that yammering from "Neutron Jack" Welch and the Urinal fuddy-duddies about our high tax rates and toxic small business climate. Let's talk about where the hell "Joe Onions" is buried! Now that's the way to turn attention from the fact that our state is being run by political financial wizards who know less about money and markets than any teenage drug dealer.

Our law enforcement officials have even given this reemergence of Vo Dilun's grand tradition of lobsters and mobsters a headline-grabbing title that we can expect to see everywhere from the Wall Street Journal to Access Hollywood: "Operation Mobbed-Up."

It's exciting enough to give Eliot Ness and J. Edgar Hoover woodies in their graves. We bet even Raymond would be proud. (And if you don't know who Raymond is, you're still wet behind the ears as a loyal defender of the Biggest Little's reputation as a bygone hub of organized crime. Go read some Robert B. Parker books or watch The Departed, fer Chrissakes.)

Yes, Vo Dilun is bringing back all the notorious stereotypes, including a legitimate star, the legendary Gerald Tillinghast, who was accused of involvement in the famed Bonded Vault heist (again, RI Mob Lore 101), and who got out of the can last year after spending 30 years at the state's pleasure for knocking off a bona fide loan shark.

Ah, sweet memories of when "The Moron" and "Bobo," ruled the earth, and you would try to sneak a peek inside at your peril to spot Raymond when you walked past Coin-o-Matic on Atwells Avenue.

Keep the stories coming, boys — it may even bail the BeloJo out. What recession?

A SMALL CIRCLE OF FRIENDS
Quote of the week comes to us via our friends at the Urinal's Political Scene, from Representative John Loughlin of Tiverton, one of only six Republican candidates for the House who survived the November election.

In discussing the upcoming House GOP caucus, Loughlin quipped, "We could have had the meeting in my Crown Victoria and everyone would have had seatbelts and cup holders." (Note: Despite the obvious alarm that goes off when he mentions driving a Crown Vic, Loughlin is not a cop.)

On the Senate aide, P+J believe it is time to get involved in the GOP's affairs.

Girl power at Halitosis Hall

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:28:21 GMT

Paiva Weed to reach lofty height in old boys' club
Phillipe + Jorge have always been strong supporters of state Senator Teresa Paiva Weed, the presumptive (God, do we hate that word) new Senate president.

Phillipe + Jorge have always been strong supporters of state Senator Teresa Paiva Weed, the presumptive (God, do we hate that word) new Senate president. This is perhaps because P. is a Paiva Weed constituent and has seen the tangible benefits of her work through the years, both locally and statewide. (Although we do wish she had been a bit more supportive of this year's critical open space bond issue, which she obviously misread — along with a majority of the General Assembly — as far as two-thirds of the public support went.)

On Teresa's side of the General Assembly, it was wonderful to see the Pinga!-ing of both the arrogant and unctuous Senate Finance Committee chair, Steve Alves, and the forgetful Senate president, Joe Montalbano, who went down as the electorate spoke. Hopefully with this tabula rasa from which to begin, Teresa will rise to the occasion.

On the House side, however, we have the SOS (same-old-shit) leadership of Speaker "Blackjack Billy" Murphy, Majority Leader Gordo Fox, and House Finance Committee chair Steve "the Caterer" Costantino. These are the geniuses that, with the complicity of "the Don," Governor Carcieri, have led us to be the poster child for economic disaster in the US.

Quick quiz: Which of these four do you think has gotten smarter or more financially astute in the past six months? Thought so.

So if you are looking for solutions to our projected $372 million deficit for the next year, we suggest you Google "Financial Management for Dummies," because it appears that with the economic wizards that have just been returned to office, and their Silence of the Lambs followers, that Alpo for your aging parents and Carnation Evaporated Milk for your kiddies is going to look more and more like some fine dining for Little Rhody families in the very near future.

Hey, you voted for them. Congratulations.

WHO REALLY LOST?
Oh, how P+J shall miss our wonderful pal, the King of Westconnaug, House Minority Whip Nicholas Gorham, at the General Assembly this year.

Little Nicky, who we first met and were mightily entertained by when he was a fledgling sales rep for the Providence Eagle, got beaten in the race for his Coventry House seat by Scott Pollard. To Mr. Pollard, we wish only the best, and your observant correspondents will be checking upon him to see if he meets the impeccable rabble-rousing standards set by our boy.

Obama ’08: Dawn of a new era

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 23:28:52 GMT

Few socks tossed at TV during liberal klatch in Edgewood
Since 1984, every year in which there is a presidential election, the Murphy/Deans of Edgewood in Cranston, have held a small get-together for friends and family.

Since 1984, every year in which there is a presidential election, the Murphy/Deans of Edgewood in Cranston, have held a small get-together for friends and family. As Casa Diablo regulars, peace and justice progressive types, and, not coincidentally, family members through marriage, P&J have been regular election night attendees.

One of the traditions of the Murphy/Dean get-together is that the non-voting younger family members, Miranda and Rosemary, roll up a large supply of socks before the guests arrive to throw at the television screen whenever a candidate the assembled would like to see lose (e.g., President Bush, John McCain, most Republicans) rears their puss on the tube. (This tradition could be changing, however, as Miranda has informed us that she’ll be eligible to vote in 20012.)

Jim and Jane, respective leading lights of the host clan, provided much tasty food and beverage for the guests, including a cake with the visage of soon-to-be-president-elect Barack Obama, a gift from the gods, by the way, for political cartoonists with his bony frame and easily caricatured features.

An early guest came wearing plastic gun-totin’ Sarah Palin drag and was later joined by a man in a suit with an Obama mask. It turned out to be BeloJo ace investigative re-porter and neighbor, Mike (Prince of Providence) Stanton, who helped form an instant non-partisan “Barack ’n’ Bullwinkle” ticket.

While we hate the clichéd phrase “cautious optimism,” that was pretty much the mood in the early hours of the evening. Like Red Sox fans of old, after so many years of disappointment, the vast majority of this liberal/progressive crowd (there were a few conservatives and Republicans in attendance) braced itself for another surprise kick in the head.

When NBC announced that it was calling Pennsylvania for Obama, there were cheers, although there were much louder cheers 15 minutes later, when Fox grudgingly made the same call. Possible explanations: if Fox calls it for Obama, it must be true, because it’s the last thing they want to do. Also, as activist/author (and as running mate with Sonia Johnson on the Citizen’s Party ticket in 1984) Richard Walton put it, “I’ll enjoy watching Fox eat some crow tonight.”

An occasional opportunity to toss socks and boo at the screen arose when a US Senate race was called for a Republican (like the Gomer Pyle-esque South Carolina senator, Lindsey Graham), but things were still unusually quiet until Ohio was announced for Obama.

P+J say vote this way

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 23:17:40 GMT

Obama and Reed lead the Casa Diablo ticket
P+J have been suggesting — rightly in many cases — that you Pinga! your incumbent, who helped get the state into the deplorable and nationally notorious financial mess it is in.

P+J have been suggesting — rightly in many cases — that you Pinga! your incumbent, who helped get the state into the deplorable and nationally notorious financial mess it is in. But there are some can-didates who we do believe warrant your support because of what they have done and (we believe) will do to not become part of the Silence of the Lambs herd that has blindly followed the General As-sembly off an economic cliff.

Where possible, you throw your support behind the following candidates. Down in South County, weigh in for Senator Susan Sosnowski (District 37) and Representative. Donna Walsh (District 36). Without these two fighters, we wouldn’t have an open space/farmland preservation bond issue on this year’s ballot (see next item), and they took some lumps from the leadership in their respective chambers for that achievement. Ms. Sosnowski, a real-life farmer, also heads the Senate Environment and Agriculture Committee, and with her pal Ms. Walsh, you have true enviro champs who take no bull. Also out in the boon-ies, Rod Driver is running for rep in District 39. He’s a wild and crazy guy, and smart as a whip, so give him a chance.

On Aquidneck Island, we have already given a shout-out to newcomer Deb Ruggiero in House District 39. Add to her your vote for incumbents Chuck Levesque in Senate District 11, and Amy Rice in House District 72. Again, not your typical pols, and that’s a plus these days.

And up in Cranston and Cranston/Warwick, respectively, the current Representative Art Handy in District 18, and, of course, the one and only Casa Diablo fave-rave incumbent Senator Josh Miller in District 28. (And if you think we care about conflicts of interest in endorsing some of our candidates, we‘re sorry, we don’t. God told us we are right.)

‘Jock-ular’ election coverage

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 03:13:27 GMT

How Mike Ditka almost became the Republican heir-apparent
Yes, today the Providence Phoenix is celebrating its 30th anniversary, including the 10-year run of the NewPaper, and P+J are so proud to have been here the whole time.

Phillipe + Jorge have all but given up on trying to watch and/or listen to anything involving the presidential election that emanates from the mass media, as we find we have to take our skin for a crawl whenever our source of news is someone like Brian Williams, Katie Couric, or God forbid, any of the wild-eyed, masturbating frothers on Fox News.

This includes Saturday Night Live. (A note to Lorne Michaels, whose show jumped the shark prior to the beginning of the 21st century: Now that your Thursday night half-hour specials have shown that you can barely fill 23 minutes of airtime with anything resembling quality material, how about cutting the weekend SNL back to that length, and obliterate the guest hosts, who are usually shoehorned into skits so bad it makes you wince and then run from the room screaming?

But your superior correspondents do enjoy coverage such as that offered at the online Yahoo Sports by Chris Chase on October 19, which made more sense than what you’ll hear from smarmy country boy Bob Schieffer, preening nancy George Strapitonolous, or the Night of the Talking Dead zombie Tom Blowkaw.

Chase’s post notes that Barack Obama’s winning 2004 Senate race that pushed him onto the national political scene could well have never happened had he run against a person from Chicago who dwarfs mere mortals in the state of Illinois: yes, the superhuman legend of whom we speak is . . . DITKA! (Another SNL aside — you’ll get this if you remember back when the show was funny at times.)

Mike Ditka, the immortal former head coach of the Chicago Bears, was nearly in the race. It was thought that Ditka (only one name at all times, please, like Butkus) might have actually been put up as the GOP candidate in the campaign. Chase explains, “Jack Ryan had won the Republican primary that year, but dropped out of the race after the release of embarrassing papers from his high-profile divorce with actress Jeri Ryan. The vacancy left GOP leaders in the state scrambling to find a replacement. With fears that the election was all but lost, Republicans wanted a major name to turn the tide. Ditka was that name.”

(Since our readers’ inquiring minds will want P+J to inform you about those “embarrassing papers,” you may recall Ryan took Jeri to sex clubs and wanted her to have sex in front of the other patrons. Like any good husband would do, right?)

How to eat seed corn

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 05:20:34 GMT

Fiscal due-diligence is a concept unfamiliar to denizens of Smith Hill
It is now revealed that the first quarter revenue projections for the state have come in an additional $33 million less than expected, running our deficit up to $66 million.

Well, well, well. It seems that on top of the state’s shortfall of $33 million entering fiscal ’09, it is now revealed that the first quarter revenue projections for the state have come in an additional $33 million less than expected, running our deficit up to $66 million with barely a toe of the Biggest Little into next year’s finances.

Governor Carcieri and the General Assembly casually point out that we have our state’s rainy day fund and things like the temporary disability insurance fund to tide us over in tough times. This, however, is a bit like eating your seed corn: deplete it now, and it cannot nurture any future growth. Farmers have known that simple wisdom for centuries. But that’s the kind of idiotic, cover-our-ass-while-reaming-your economic strategy that is prevalent among the personal pocket-liners on Smith Hill, and yet another reason for doing a Pinga! on your incumbent, unless you want more of the same.

Anyone have a nice “Sufferin’ Succotash” recipe calling for seed corn? Chow down, Vo Dilun.

“N” watch
Now that the scarily erratic John “Dubya” McCain and the unspeakable, vicious moron Sarah Palin have given their souls over totally to the Karl Rove tacticians that used vile slanders against McClueless eight years ago in South Carolina when his wife was accused of being a junkie and his daughter called a wog, what next?

Judging from what we are hearing from the audiences at recent McCain/Palin rallies, where racism is never discouraged and bubbles just below the surface, along with explicit calls for violence, P&J predict it will be someone allied with the GOP flat-out calling Barack Obama a “nigger” before the November election. And hey! Watch it on YouTube!

Oooh, too much for your sensitive ears? We’re almost there already, darlings, it’s just someone actually saying “nigger” out loud in public. Why not? Why pretend? You know Barack has been called that in the best clubs and worst dives throughout the country, so wouldn’t it stand to reason that one of these braying morons will get caught on tape at a major Republican rally? And possibly wearing a police uniform at the same time? How about an Alaskan state trooper doing the official first shout out, upon fear of being fired by his vindictive boss?

Obama talks about the American economic failure and foreclosures, and McCain talks about failed foreign wars and phony patriotism. Biden talks about energy policies, and Palin talks about William Ayers and Reverend Wright. Who is real and addressing the here-and-now issues, and who represents a hideous deformed spawn of Lee Atwater and Karl Rove, through trying to take your eye off the ball by making false personal attacks backed by the Big Lies the GOP has made its stock in trade? Not a hard question to answer, is it?

Ben Dover’s big bailout

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 07:25:10 GMT

Our congressional officials owe Rhode Island an apology
Phillipe + Jorge are furious over the $700 billion bailout of the pinstriped pirates of Wall Street, who are laughing as they return to their McMansions.

Phillipe + Jorge are furious over the $700 billion bailout of the pinstriped pirates of Wall Street, who are laughing as they return to their McMansions and gated communities in Fairfield, Westchester, and Somerset counties, their toxic loans now covered by everyday American taxpayers.

Your average wage earner has been forced to take on debts that 99 percent of us in our right minds wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole if the decision was ours to make on our own. This outpouring of rage is what boils up when you open up your pension statement and see that your nest egg has been reduced by 20 percent, thanks to these corporate buccaneers and our absentee political leadership, and knowing that the end is nowhere in sight.

The members of Rhode Island’s congressional delegation owe each and every one of us an apology. Not for voting for this preposterous rescue mission of the band of crooks who got us to this deplorable state, even if it does want to make you puke. They owe it to us for allowing it to happen in the first place.

Normally, P+J have nothing but good to say about our boys in Washington. Now we are forced to charge them with being asleep at the wheel when it came to the regulation of a financial market that has driven off a cliff.

Because someone damn sure gave these corrupt financiers the green light for greed, and is responsible for setting these thieves free to undermine our economy, and it wasn’t just that little idiot in the White House. Although Dubya and his GOP buddies — step up and take a bow, John “Eight Houses” McCain and his economic Rasputin, Phil “Mental Recession” Gramm, who screamed “free market!” until blue in the face — are now leading the socialist charge to cover the private financial asses of their well-heeled friends with your paycheck, via the government. Long live Lenin, right, Boy George?

All the same, our congressmen are supposed to know when the barn door has been opened, which it has been for years, and raise holy hell about it. Instead, we had the sound of a tree falling in the forest. Shameful.

Making this market laissez-faire disaster worse was the way our napping politicos and the media publicly addressed this crisis. We had House Speaker Nancy Pelosi looking like a Botoxed ghoul with a death’s head grin as she signed the bailout document as though it were the Treaty of Versailles.

A real cool hand

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 21:35:07 GMT

Whether acting, acting up, or sharing his wealth, Newman was the man
Sad news got to P+J about the passing of American legend Paul Newman.

Sad news got to P+J about the passing of American legend Paul Newman. While one of the brightest stars in film history, his acting career paled in comparison to his life and his work as a human being a cut above the notch.

Phillipe grew up in Newman’s hometown of Westport, Connecticut. It was no big deal to bump into him at the market or find yourself standing in line with him at a restaurant, except for your brain and heart going 100 miles an hour — “Oh my God, it’s Paul Newman! It’s Paul Newman!” — trying to be cool and not make a fuss. He behaved just like your average Joe — provided said guy had those ridiculously blue eyes. (And let it be noted that P.’s mother used to be in the same workout as Newman’s wife, actress Joanne Woodward, an equally down to earth individual.)

What was far from average was his humanitarian work in raising more than $250 million for his Hole In the Wall camps for kids with life-threatening illnesses, gleaned from pouring 100 percent of the profits from his Newman’s Own products back into that organization.

Newman was also an anti-war activist, and had the proud distinction of being on Richard Nixon’s “enemy list,” saying it was “the highest single honor I’ve ever received.” He also occasionally wrote for and came to rescue of the Nation at a time of fiscal distress, further heightening his political credentials.

What Paul Newman did not have was a failure to communicate — he did so quite eloquently with words and deeds.

What global warming?
It is incredible how minor, D-list level celebrity seems to addle people’s brains. Maybe that “D” stands for “delusional.”

P+J refer to our attendance at a URI Honors Colloquium lecture on global climate change last week, featuring renowned climatologist Michael Mann. The Penn State scientist was one of the lead authors of the most recent Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change’s Third Scientific Assessment Report, and the IPCC and its authors were co-recipients along with some guy named Al Gore of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize for bringing the global warming issue further to the fore. So he knows a bit about his subject, shall we say.

After Mann’s lecture, during a Q&A from the audience, a person who did not identify himself other than to say he was a “left-leaning, pro-environment person,” attacked Mann’s presented facts about climate change, and demanded he resign his professorship at Penn State, which seemed very odd, but whatcha gonna do? The agitated gentleman later told Urinal enviro reporter Peter Lord, who in best investigative fashion pursued him afterwards, that global warming is “the greatest hoax perpetrated on mankind.”

Let the rabble eat cake

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:36:34 GMT

The economy is in shambles, and McCain doesn’t get it
Isn't it comforting to know that Dubya II McCain’s top economic advisors are Phil Gramm and Carly Fiorina?

As we come to a time in the history of America where the two most common beliefs are that you can tell when a Republican is lying if his or her lips are moving, and that all Wall Street financiers should be horsewhipped to within an inch of their lives on the steps of the New York Stock Exchange, isn’t it comforting to know that Dubya II McCain’s top economic advisors are Phil Gramm and Carly Fiorina?

Yes, the same Phil Gramm who recently called American citizens “whiners” and said we were just experiencing a “mental” recession as the bottom fell out of the US economy, and who as a senator pushed through deregulation of the financial institutions we taxpayers are now bailing out to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars (!!!!) but that benefited him and his wife. And the same Carly Fiorina, who as chair and CEO of Hewlett Packard nearly ran it into the ground, but after being forced out walked away with $21 million in severance pay. Yeah, the Republicans really care about you, Mr. and Mrs. America.

On the other side of the coin, while the economy-challenged McCain was listening attentively to Phil and Carly, here’s what Barack Obama was saying back on March 27, as noted by Robert Scheer in his September 16 Truthdig column, “Earth to McCain: It’s a Crisis.”

[Obama wasn’t listening to Robert Rubin] when Obama delivered his main economic speech blaming for the meltdown the Gramm deregulation that Rubin had helped make law. Referring to the repeal of the Depression-era regulations, Obama stated all too correctly: “Unfortunately, instead of establishing a 21st century regulatory framework, we simply dismantled the old one — aided by a legal but corrupt bargain in which campaign money all too often shaped policy and watered down oversight. In doing so, we encouraged a winner-take-all, anything-goes environment that helped foster devastating dislocations in our economy.”

That was six months ago, when someone actually saw this horror show coming, and knew why. But the “fundamentals of our economy are strong,” right, Senator McClueless? We’re glad we have the brains of Sarah Palin backing you up, along with Gramm and Fiorina. God help us.

Straight from NOLA
P+J recently praised Ian McNulty’s new book, Season of Night, a post-Katrina memoir about rebuilding a life in the Crescent City. Now he will be appearing with P+J’s guardian angel of the arts, Judith Swift, at the Gamm Theatre, on October 6 at 7 pm, where the company’s resident director will give the public a first look at a new play she’s developing about agencies and people caught up in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Pinga! your incumbent

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:17:09 GMT

The more turnover at Halitosis Hall, the better, we say
Phillipe + Jorge were thrilled to see the upset victory by baker Michael Pinga over incumbent state Senator “Snarlin’ Steve” Alves in their Democratic primary race.

Phillipe + Jorge were thrilled to see the upset victory by baker Michael Pinga over incumbent state Senator “Snarlin’ Steve” Alves in their Democratic primary race, which gives Pinga the West Warwick seat in the General Assembly. (There is no GOP or independent challenger in the November election.)

We revel in Pinga’s unexpected win, not just because Alves is arrogant, and power-hungry, but because he is one of the entrenched powers on Smith Hill, through his position as chair of the Senate Finance Committee. Alves’s clawing egotism is evident in his desperate protest to the Board of Elections and his request that the primary be rerun for the most specious of reasons even after he lost in the recount he demanded.

Although the McCain/Palin ticket throws into doubt the age-old line, “It can’t get any worse than this” about the politicians in power, the current members of the General Assembly — particularly the leadership and those who embody “the silence of the lambs” by going along with them — as a whole have done little to recommend their re-election to office. This is unless, of course, you are pleased by Little Rhody’s current state of affairs.

So let’s go, voters, get inspired, and upset the broken-down old applecart. What is there to lose by dumping the leadership and their pawns like the way Snarlin’ Steve got his ass kicked out the door by a solid citizen with some heart and common sense? Give someone else a shot, and Pinga! your incumbent this November.

Prez search on at URI
It’s too early to bid a fond adieu to our admired and esteemed old pal, URI prez Bob Carothers, who announced he will be stepping down as Vo Dilun’s State U. head ramrod at the end of this coming June. But now that we are informed that the search committee for his replacement will be headed by big bucks URI donor and alum Tom Ryan (’75), the CEO of CVS Caremark, we wonder if well-known former business associates of the drugstore chain, John “My Sharona” Celona and Gerard “Bag Man” Martineau, will be cleaning up their resumes and applying for the position?

Ripta’s short-sighted cuts
We’ve all heard about the proposed bus service cuts. Most of us understand it is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT WE SHOULD BE DOING!

But there is a part of the story that has hardly been mentioned — the significant impact the proposed cuts would have on people with disabilities. This is a subject that Jorge is quite familiar with.

Bakst hits the road

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:18:31 GMT

M. Charles, a bright light amongst columnists, will be missed at the Other Paper
We echo the words of BeloJo columnist Bob Kerr when he wrote last week that local readers will miss M. Charles Bakst when he retires after more than 40 years.

We echo the words of BeloJo columnist Bob Kerr when he wrote last week that local readers, and especially political junkies, will miss M. Charles Bakst when he retires after more than 40 years at the institution he’s worked for nearly his entire adult life. P&J regularly hear people complain about Charlie, where he stands on issues, how they find him “annoying” etc. To that, we say, “So what!”

At Casa Diablo, we believe that Vo Dilunduhs have been truly fortunate to have had such a hardworking, passionate, and courageous journalist in our midst for all these years.

Think about churning out three columns, week after week, for years. We know a little something about that, so take our word for it: the hard work and dedication it takes to produce work of the quality of Charlie Bakst’s on a regular basis is beyond impressive. This guy is a workhorse, a hardcore newsman who cuts no corners and does it the old-fashioned way — he works.

Of course, Charlie has always accused Phillipe & Jorge of just “making up” the stuff we write. We’re not upset about this. We just wish that Charlie wouldn’t broadcast our trade secrets.

In particular, Charlie’s heartfelt advocacy for those who seek fairness and equality — immigrants and same-sex couples, who merely wish to have the same right to marry as the hetero majority — will be missed. Beyond Bob Kerr, we don’t expect to see this sort of passionate defense of civil rights in the pages of the Other Paper again.

Yes, you (and we) will miss M. Charles Bakst. He has been a paragon of everything that is good and vital about our daily newspapers, and an inspiration to print news people throughout the region.

Farewell to Faye
Your superior correspondents were further saddened to hear that Faye Zuckerman, the irrepressible and indefatigable correspondent for all manner of fundraisers and social events, is also leaving the BeloJo.

One would have to have a heart of stone not to smile when you saw Faye out on the town, covering her beat. She was also among that rare reporters who would actually mention P&J in here columns. It’s amazing she wasn’t fired. We love you, Faye.

Palin’s not so special
There was an interesting and revealing article in Sunday’s New York Times on a promise of sorts made by Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah “Darwin” Palin during her acceptance speech at the GOP convention in St. Paul.

Gov. Darwin’s excellent misadventure

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 18:26:36 GMT

Palin may rally the right, but she doesn’t make the cut
Welcome to Casa Diablo, Alaska Governess Sarah Palin. Oh, and, wait for it . . . she doesn’t believe in evolution. Jackpot!

Holy trailer park, Batman! Just when Phillipe + Jorge were thanking John “Dubya III” McCain for his veep pick of a Tina Fey look-alike with an Amy Winehouse-wannabe beehive, who is a former TV sportscaster with absolutely no national or foreign policy experience, and who is involved in a scandal over firing a public official who refused to cashier a state trooper for having divorced her sister (whew, let us take a breath here, we’re getting giddy), she now appears to have the parenting skills of Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears’s mother, Lynne. Welcome to Casa Diablo, Alaska Governess Sarah Palin.

Oh, and, wait for it . . . she doesn’t believe in evolution. Jackpot!

And that’s just the tip of the Prince William Sound iceberg. After the news broke that Bristol, the 17-year-old unwed daughter of Governor “Darwin,” is pregnant — something that the gov supposedly didn’t even tell her press secretary, McCain’s claims of having known all about it notwithstanding — until after Dubya III and she announced it.

But despite her Mom’s public advocacy of abstinence-until-marriage, Bristol evidently couldn’t hold out. And who could blame her when you look at young Levi Johnston, the baby’s hockey-playing father. But he’s no dumb jock.

That’s why his MySpace page, until taken down, had him boasting, “I’m a fuckin’ redneck,” and it stated, “I don’t want kids.” There’s a potential Father of the Year award recipient.

The happy couple are now planning to get married, and P+J imagine the only thing providing some relief from the cold barrel of the shotgun pressed into Levi’s back are the wads of money doubtless provided to him as a security blanket by GOP funders.

Now we enter the Twilight Zone. The upside of Bristol’s pregnancy — she is five months along — is that it ostensibly puts the lie to the many Internet rumors that she is already the mother of Governor Darwin’s four-month-old baby, Trig, born in April. While that cuts it close when one recalls some of our “Irish twin” friends, that fact should be enough to call off the bloghounds on that rather skin-crawling front.

Kudos for the GOP for giving new hope to the rest of the world that America isn’t run by clueless, lobbyist-controlled, greedy, warmongering yahoos. What better way to succeed a delusional religious freak that talks to God and supports torture than to put a person who doesn’t believe in evolution a heartbeat away from the presidency.

Dark days on Fountain Street

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 22:31:44 GMT

With a parting shot, MacKay joins the exodus from the once-mighty BeloJo
There are black umbrellas in the poolside Pernod and grapefruits at Casa Diablo upon our having learned that ace reporter Scott MacKay has taken the Urinal’s buyout package.

There are black umbrellas in the poolside Pernod and grapefruits at Casa Diablo upon our having learned that ace reporter Scott MacKay has taken the Urinal’s buyout package. He’ll be leaving the august Fountain Street fortress in September — if he makes it that long, in what rapidly resembles a mausoleum in the heart of Our Little Towne.

Scottso is as close to a local hero around here as you can get in media circles, tracking back to the old days at the Providence Night School of Journalism, aka Leo’s. His off-the-record and certainly not in print discourses on all things Little Rhody are legendary. He’s the one who deemed the rise to the bench of a now-prominent judge “a real Fellatio Alger story,” and who filled people in on what a “goomah” or “comatta” was (or who had one) long before Tony Soprano hit HBO and prior to Guy Dufault popularizing the latter word in regard to the Don, Governor Carcieri.

Never mind the Olympic closing ceremonies in Beijing — if you wanted some real showtime pyrotechnics, one needed have only read Scottso’s parting shot against his soon-to-be former rag of record. Here are a couple of the sweetest stilettos in the side of the Fountain Street suits, as MacKay folded his hand:

“As is the case with many other employees here, I do believe the [overall newspaper] situation in Providence was made worse by an incompetent management in Dallas that frittered away millions on the hapless Que-Cat [:CueCat], blew millions more on a circulation scandal and wasted more money and resources waging a foolish four-year Jihad on the Providence Newspaper Guild.

“The emphasis has been on the web site, which would be fine if the same standards applied to the web as those that govern the newspaper . . . . Just recently there were two ridiculous examples of how the standards of the Providence Journal have dropped. One was a racist comment published [as a comment] on our web site after the death of Eileen Slocum.” [The other, later deleted, was also a blog comment, about a Rhode Island athlete.] “The newspaper has apparently diluted its standards to the point where none should call it journalism.”

The departure of our man MacKay, P+J’s personal emotions notwithstanding, is immeasurable in terms of a loss — once more — of institutional memory at the BeloJo. With long-time editor Joel Rawson out the door, Carol Young possibly following, and political maven M. Chuckie Bakst riding into the sunset along with Scottso, decades of experience, knowledge, insider info and Vo Dilun lore vanish from the newsroom.

Corrente’s born-again retirement

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 18:10:47 GMT

If at first you don’t get a taxpayer-funded pension, try, try again
Now here’s a shocker: the Providence Retirement Board made a stupid decision. My heavens!

Now here’s a shocker: the Providence Retirement Board made a stupid decision. My heavens!

P+J, refer, of course, to the Retirement Board’s wisdom in awarding disgraced old La Prov political thug Frank Corrente, the guy who was videotaped accepting a bribe during the Plunder Dome investigation, a partial municipal pension. Why? Because he’s so lovable. (No, of course not. The guy would give a snake the creeps.)

The geniuses at the board noted that Corrente had served two separate terms of employment in Our Little Towne, one as a financial specialist and city controller, and the other as former Mayor Buddy “Vincent A.” Cianci’s director of administration.

The board’s decision, which is going to be challenged in court, held that Frankie Boy had been crooked only during his second tour of duty. He thus deserves the pension benefits accrued when he first served the community so majestically, or so the thinking went, compared with his encore performance.

P+J’s can certainly understand that logic. Frank obviously “turned corrupt,” in the way that homosexuals decide at some point in their lives to “turn gay.” It is crystal clear. Overcome by watching too many episodes of The Untouchables, in the same way that viewing too many gladiator movies or performances of Cabaret can lead to massive male lifestyle and wardrobe changes, Frank chose a different approach after having returned to City Hall.

As they say in Plan Nine from Outer Space, that proves it.

The Jack Reed-Paris Hilton connection
As we enter the doldrums of August, national political correspondents with nothing to write about prior to the conventions are trying to predict the vice presidential nominees of both parties.

While these conjectures (which may be at least partially settled by the time you read this) come with a sense of authority reciprocally balanced by a total lack of facts, they highlight the silly season of bored and irresponsible journalism. Phillipe + Jorge know that baby when we see it.

The name of our own “Little Big Man,” Senator Jack Reed, continues to be thrown about the national stage as a potential running mate for Barack Obama. As we have noted before, the major media outlets fail to realize that Wee Jockie meant it when he said way back that he would not accept that offer even if it came his way. This is in absolute contrast to typical pols, who make the same high-minded denial before falling to their knees with tears in their eyes and pleading, “Oh, please, God, oh, please, God, let him pick me!” as soon as the reporters split.

What a break

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:34:29 GMT

McCain struts his stuff as Russia attacks Georgia
A shout out of big-time thanks from the John McCain campaign to our friends in Georgia that are being mercilessly bombed by the Russian military after provoking Big Bad Vlad Putin!

A shout out of big-time thanks from the John McCain campaign to our friends in Tbilisi, Gori, South Ossetia, and any other spots in Georgia that are being mercilessly bombed by the Russian military after provoking Big Bad Vlad Putin! What a great chance for Johnny the Dubya to put his war experience on display for American voters, and to show up that effete peace-monger Obama.

The timing is perfect, and if the Ruskies were to keep hammering away through the conventions, the next terrorist attack on the US can be put back to late October, just before vot-ing day.

McCain advisors say, Da!, that’s the ticket.

Beijing’s five-ring circus
Had enough of the Olympics yet?

While Casa Diablo has been adorned with dictator-sized blow-up images of Elizabeth Beisel, Boo-Boo Andrade, Michael Parkhurst, and Alicia Sacramone, with P+J and our in-ternational stable of houseboys glued to the HD TV, the only thing raising hackles is the commentators who force their way onto the air between the inspiring and exciting events.

The foremost offender is the mouthy midget Bob Costas, who is more overexposed than Will Ferrell, with about the same amount of skin-crawling involved in viewing him. When it comes to being off-putting, Costas’s overblown rhetoric is matched only by his ridiculous rug, which is so bad that you couldn’t get Burt Reynolds or ace witness John “My Sharona” Celona to wear it.

Costas did a preposterous faux journalistic interview with President Dubya, our former high school cheerleader and present Olympic pom-pom wielder, sucking up by mention-ing how Boy George had ridden his Pee-wee Herman bike (with the little bell and streamers on the handlebars) around the Olympic course. On the plus side, with all the testoster-one floating around the pollution in Beijing, Dubya’s true Nancy-boy idiot persona was fully exposed.

Little Bobby managed to let NBC’s obsequious Brian Williams and Tom Brokaw, who must be told to get over himself and go home, settle for the silver medal in the decathlon of ways on behalf of their corporate owner, General Electric, to kiss Chinese government ass.

The talking hairdo Williams threw bouquets for China’s carefully staged “charm offensive,” and Brokaw reminisced about Mao without mentioning any of the current government’s repressive tactics. While talking about the 1989 protests in Tiananmen Square (which he ever-so-cutely rode through on a bike), Tom failed to mention how George H.W. Bush disgraced the US by throwing the Tiananmen protestors under the bus — excuse us, tank — siding with the aging tyrants who beat and killed the courageous dissidents who had rolled a replica Statue of Liberty into the square. It wouldn’t surprise us if business lunches between GE honchos and Chinese President Hu Jintao are on tap.

Remembering a Rhode Island icon

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:22:28 GMT

Jefferson Thomas was in the vanguard of the Providence underground
There was never anyone remotely like Jeff Thomas.

A UNIQUE LIFE-FORCE: Thomas was the quintessential Providence proto-boho.

There was never anyone remotely like Jeff Thomas. On Monday evening, the musician/artist/eccentric/ Providence bohemian legend was found dead in his home by his friend Rick Cote, who called 911.

The medical examiner filed the cause of death as natural causes. Those of us who knew and loved Jeff for decades can tell you that he burned too brightly, lived uncompromisingly, and performed super-human feats on a regular basis. “Natural causes” is a relative turn. What was natural for Jeff Thomas may not have been for anyone else. With his passing, a giant chunk of the color and spirit of Providence cultural life has been lost.

Jeff’s greatest work of art was his own life. Jorge first met Jeff back in 1966, when Jeff was part of a small band of music and art-mad Rhode Island teens that, regardless of which town they came from, seemed to know each other. JT was part of the Barrington contingent (the late, great Barbara Conway, Tim Duffy, Forrest McDonald, Alan Kornhauser, the Housely brothers, etc.).

We were keen on the Yardbirds, Jimi Hendrix, Cream, Sun Ra, John Coltrane, Mose Allison, Muddy Waters, Howlin’ Wolf, and dozens of other music titans that 15- and 16-year-old white kids were not supposed to be privy too. We were self-styled hipsters, and Jeff, who with his then-band, Sonic Wallpaper, was a major figure.

By 1970, Jeff had hooked up with RISD/Providence hipsters as one of the original Fabulous Motels (Charles Rocket, Dan Gosch, Barbara Conway, Bonita Flanders, and Dave “Sport Fisher” Hansen were some of the others). The Motels were virtually the house band at RISD from 1970-73. Although the Fabulous Motels made a bit of a stir in NYC in 72-73 at the Mercer Arts Center (perhaps second only to the New York Dolls at that time), the band’s greatest (backhanded) claim to fame is that David Byrne was rejected after trying out on guitar for a spin-off group.

While Jorge was playing in the Motels with Jeff, Phillipe was “studying” at Brown University, and one of his professors was Jeff’s father, Vinnie (head of the philosophy department). According to P., Vinnie “walked into the first of the year, obviously tired and emotional, and without saying a word, wrote on the blackboard, ‘Gone to convocation,’ and then walked out.”

Moving to Denver for a few years in the early ’70s, Jeff ran a classic JT scam at one of that city’s major night spots. When the club closed, he would position an old early ’50s panel van in the middle of the club’s parking lot. It had a sliding panel window in the back. People would line up outside the van and knock at the window. Jeff’s hand would emerge from the window, and people would thrust money into it. The hand would disappear, reappearing with a drink for the thirsty post-partygoer.

Bad schooling

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:43:01 GMT

McCain’s education advisor has the whiff of debacle around her
When it comes to top advisors, it’s good to see John “Dubya” McCain keeping up his streak of employing clapped-out old political whores like Phil Gramm and Trent Lott, not to mention a rich lobbyist who represent brutal foreign dictators.

When it comes to top advisors, it’s good to see John “Dubya” McCain keeping up his streak of employing clapped-out old political whores like Phil Gramm and Trent Lott, not to mention a rich lobbyist who represent brutal foreign dictators. Yep, the man who doesn’t know Shiite from Shinola, never mind Sunni, is a real straight talker, just a regular guy like you and me, provided we are all ancient, amnesiac, and angry. (How ’bout that Iraq-Pakistan border, Johnnie?)

The most recent greed-monger exposed in McCain’s ranks is one of his top education advisors, Lisa Graham Keegan, who was outed by the TPMMuckraker site on July 17. This has the whiff of the Education Partnership debacle in the Biggest Little about it. According to reporter Andrew Tilghman, Keegan was CEO (at $235,000 a year) from 2001 to 2004 of the Education Leaders Council, a conservative nonprofit.

“With Keegan at the helm, the group began to prosper with money from Bush’s No Child Left Behind law,” wrote Tilghman. “The ELC raked in about $23.4 million in federal money, part of which it was later accused of mismanaging. An audit report from the Department of Education’s Inspector General ultimately recommended that the group give back about $500,000 in taxpayer dollars . . .

“The Department of Education eventually got involved and concluded that the groups books were a mess with ‘weak or non-existent internal controls’ that led to money spent on things not legally covered by the grant . . . included in the questioned amounts were costs for alcoholic beverages, advertising, fundraising, and interest(s) that are specifically unallowable under applicable cost principles.”

Party on, Lisa! Garrulous Senator Straight Talk had no comment.

No worries, Ms. Keegan — there’s an education job opening here in Rhode Island. Your husband doesn’t happen to be a newspaper columnist, does he?

Belo’s good vibrations
Our old buddy in the ad biz, DP, sent along this headline from the Urinal’s business section on belojo.com, which, needless to say, brightened our day:

Vibco Vibrators Inc. is a leader in the lean approach to keeping companies competitive

The text read, “Almost everyone at Vibco Vibrators Inc., a South County company in the Wyoming section of Richmond that makes industrial vibrators, has gotten lean.”

Please shut up!

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:58:20 GMT

Our salute to a few of the most obnoxious people of the week
How can we miss you if you won’t go away?

How can we miss you if you won’t go away?

That’s the question being posed these days to Jesse Jackson, Brett Favre, and Hillary’s financial harridans.

“Hymietown” Jackson got the media attention he craves when he got caught accusing Barack Obama of talking down to blacks, and saying he wanted to cut Obama’s balls off for that purported offense. Nice.

What makes it ludicrous is how Jackson has done so little of note to qualify as a black leader since his failed presidential bids in the 1980s. He has pumped nonprofits for an exorbi-tant salary and lifestyle, and jumped in front of every TV camera he can find. And when it comes to respectfully addressing fellow African-Americans, how does his stereotypical black Southern country preacher’s sing-song speaking style, replete with cornball rhyming slogans, hold up in representing the black community to the nation and to the world? PUSH this, Jesse.

Meanwhile, Brett Favre, everyone’s good ol’ boy football hero, has decided he doesn’t want to retire . . . again. He already did one eulogized, media event swan song after the 2006-07 season, and then changed his mind, returning to the Green Bay Packers for this past season, a resurrection on the Lazarus level.

And he then said he was calling it quits for sure, as the sporting press slobbered all over itself, deifying him for leading the Pack to the NFC championship game. P+J always thought the idea of his last NFL pass being an interception wouldn’t sit well with Brettsky, so here he is, back and whining that Green Bay won’t give him a free pass to sign with whoever he wishes. Hey, Brett, if you won’t leave us alone, we’ll find somebody who will.

Finally, we have the supporters of Hillary Clinton, merely a millionaire, to match her now regretfully disgraced husband, demanding that Obama’s supporters help pay down their queen’s campaign debt (!?!?).

What is it about “You lost” that you don’t understand, Hillary?

The audacity and unparalleled gall of insisting that Obama’s mostly grassroots, Internet-driven contributors help reduce the debt of an opponent who ran a vicious, often per-sonally insulting and disorganized campaign, with its ample fees going to people like the unspeakable Mark Penn is unimaginable.

Unimaginable, that is, if it had come from someone other than the Billary minions, who are immune from feeling shame. Let Phillipe + Jorge explain something to you: sit down and shut up.

Best and the brightest

PHILLIPE AND JORGE — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:07:42 GMT

Departing lawmaker suggests closing Halitosis Hall for a few years
Phillipe + Jorge’s Roman Hruska Award, celebrating mediocrity in the General Assembly, goes to departing state Representative Joseph Scott.

Phillipe + Jorge’s Roman Hruska Award, celebrating mediocrity in the General Assembly, goes to departing state Representative Joseph Scott, whose district includes parts of Charlestown, Exeter, and Richmond.

Scott, a Democrat, a lawyer, probate judge, and bail commissioner, is also managing partner of Pinehurst Golf Course. After 10 years at Halitosis Hall, he announced he will not be running for his seat this fall. “I’m proud to say I didn’t introduce much legislation and didn’t get indicted,” he crowed to the Urinal.

Being a shy kinda guy, Scott failed to mention that he had one of the worst attendance records on Smith Hill (a tip of the beret and sombrero to old pal Joe Baker of the Newport Daily News for that tidbit).

With the wisdom gained in his laudable run-of-the-mill existence in the legislature, Scott added, “I think we’d do well if the General Assembly closed down for two or three years.” It seems ol’ Joe is way ahead of his time in embracing that thinking.

The best government money can buy
Along the same lines, it wasn’t much of a shocker that 83 percent of the respondents in a Rhode Island College poll think Little Rhody is moving in the wrong direction.

Quite rightly, General Assembly Democrats took the brunt of the blame, with 41 percent fingering the legislative leadership. Just 26 percent picked the Don, Governor Carcieri, as the cause of our woes, while 20 percent took the famed Claus von Bulow trial option, declaring everyone (the Don and the Dems) guilty.

But what the hell do you care? You are the ones who keep electing these clowns, even as they run us into a raging recession, where aid to the poor gets chopped while tax breaks for the rich are protected. Cheers!

You are going to get to live this Groundhog Day nightmare once again. As one of the Urinal’s best political analysts, Scott MacKay, pointed out Sunday (we taught Scottso everything he knows), just two of 38 state senators and nine of 75 reps are not seeking reelection this fall. Many of the incumbents will run against no one or the equivalent of no one (i.e., a Republican, with notable exceptions made for the likes of Bob Watson, Nicky Gorham, and a handful of others).