Unsexiest 2008

[70] MR. BLACKWELL
FASHION VICTIMIZER

Is there anything more pathetic than a queeny, fossilized fashion never-was trying to stay relevant by cruelly and awkwardly ridiculing the celebrities of the moment? 

[68 + 69] SERGEI BRIN AND LARRY PAGE
GOOGLE'S DUD DUO

Big Brother, thy name is Google. The company's billionaire co-founders have become the public faces (and not particularly pleasant to look at faces, mind you) of webternet over-reach, turning a pretty good search engine into an enormous consumer love-hate relationship: they're on your desktop, all up in your e-mail, they pwn your calendar, they've got vans photographing your apartment, but just try and spend a day without using their products. Damn you, Google. 

[67] TIM DONAGHY
MR. FIX-IT

First, as an NBA referee, he fed inside info to gambling associates. Now his soon-to-be-ex-wife has filed for a restraining order against him because of the verbal and physical abuse he allegedly heaped on their children. Not to worry, ex-Mrs. D, we think the prison time Tim is facing for his referee work should limit his face time with the kids.

[66] RUDY GIULIANI
9/11 [MAYOR] IS A JOKE IN YOUR TOWN

A law-and-order face that not even Republicans could love.

[65] WILLIAM KRISTOL
POLITICAL KNEE JERK

We know what you're thinking: "Bill Kristol? Unsexy? C'mon: who's hotter than John McCain's foreign-policy advisor?" Plays both sides of the fence better than a bisexual gardener: he's a hawk with no military experience, and flip-flopped by signing up to write for the New York Times after bashing the Gray Lady for years. Boring and two-faced: no wonder he's at the Weekly Standard!

[64] CHRIS DAUGHTRY
CORRECTION: ON SECOND THOUGHT, IT IS OVER

Having inherited Nickelback's fan base (and maybe Chad Kroeger's beard barber, too?), American Idol's second-most-talented reject is neither a terrible singer nor an evil guy. It's just that he's as bald as BatBoy and about as original as a Mike Barnicle column. Dude: Eddie Vedder called, he wants his vibrato back. And if we hear that overly husky "I'm comin' home" song one more time, our ovaries are going to dry up and turn to sand.

[63] EDDIE MURPHY
THE FAT LADY SINGS

Eddie's got one of the longest Unsexiest rap sheets of anyone on the list: got caught with a he/she, embarked on a tragically awful singing career, loves to dress up like fat women, made a baby (his seventh) with Scary Spice (which at first he wouldn't even acknowledge, until blood tests were conducted). This past year, he made Norbit (which in itself would suffice for inclusion), then exchanged vows with Babyface's ex, Tracey Edmonds, only to claim two weeks later that the marriage was not legal. Has now officially been eclipsed in funniness — and sexiness — by his brother Charlie.

[61 + 62] TIM HEIDECKER AND ERIC WAREHEIM
PUBLIC-ACCESS ENEMIES #1 AND 2

Defiantly low-budget, and funny, this Adult Swim duo may be television's most repulsive to watch. Our new diet: watching the "Beaver Boys" sketch, which violently removes our appetite for weeks on end. 

[60] PETE WENTZ
FALL OUT BORE

Fall Out Boy? Actually, Fell-Off Boy is more like it. After failing to interest the Interweb in pix of his wiener, FOB's wannabe hipster made an ill-advised foray into designing for DKNY. Yes, we had FOB shlub Patrick Stump on our list this past year, but given recent developments, we've decided we'd rather glom onto his fat ass than deal with Ashlee Simpson's sloppy seconds.

[59] CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS
CONTRIVED CONTRARIAN

God loves ugly. Interestingly, though, this chain-smoking, hard-drinking ugly hates God.