[80] BRIAN POSEHNHIDEOUS HUMORIST
Understood, Brian: you've made peace with your nerdiness, embraced your geekiness, are flaunting your dorkiness. But good God, man! You are six feet, 6.6 inches tall ("The Height of the Beast," you call it). And you have a paunch and a saggy chest. We're pulling for you, buddy, but are tight comic-book T-shirts — tucked into jeans! — really the wisest choice?
[79] ARLEN SPECTERPOLITICAL FOOTBALLER
We don't like to pick on cancer patients, which is why Specter didn't show up on this list back in '06, after he filled in for Dr. Evil at John Roberts's Supreme Court confirmation hearings. But let's fast-forward, shall we? The Iraq War is five years old, the intelligence community has a blank check to play Peeping Tom on American citizens, and the senator from Pennsylvania is worried about this Patriot act: a sports team from Teddy Kennedy's state that beat the sports team from Specter's state. Dear bulgy-eyed, sore loser: blow us.
[78] CHRISTIAN SIRIANOPROJECT RUNWAY IRRITANT
Annoying Project Runway twat may be destined to revolutionize the fashion industry. How this hot tranny mess can design clothes like that while looking/sounding like the love child of Robert Smith and Dana Carvey's Church Lady is beyond us.
[77] ROB SCHNEIDERCOMEDY EXCRESCENCE
This dough-faced dwarf provoked the ire of the Media Action Network for Asian Americans, thanks to his unfunny yellowface performance as a Japanese minister in 2007's yawner I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Smart move, genius. Now good luck capturing Asian box office on your craptastic comedies.
[76] JOEL OSTEENPENTECOSTAL PEST
An enabler for religious extremists like Mike Huckabee, this unusually creepy empire-building Bible thumper and his wife, Victoria, have turned the word of the Lord into a self-serving virus of positive thoughts and financial-planning advice. Oh, and he looks like a flesh robot made from the worst traits of Martin Short, Tony Robbins, and Steve Guttenberg.
[75] GEORGE W. BUSHMISSION ACCOMPLISHER
With the presidential race in full swing, we almost forgot about Dubya, the Alfred E. Neuman-looking, Chauncey Gardiner-ass moron who got us into this mess in the first place.
[74] CHUCK KLOSTERMANWRITER WUSS
Sniveling pop-culture toad who gets paid to rewrite Gen-X clichés for Millennials who weren't alive the first time around. Patronizing chronicler of rock stars, sweet cereals, sports, Saved by the Bell.
[73] MERCURY MORRISCHAMPAGNE CONNOISSEUR
We get it: your team went undefeated. That was a long time ago, dude. Like, back when skinny guys still played. We're pretty sure the Phoenix's intramural flag football team could have won 10 games in the NFL in 1972.
[72] SYLVESTER STALLONEMESOZOIC MOVIE STAR
Had the geriatric Italian Stallion not returned once more to the Rambo franchise, we might have been able to overlook his offensive physique. But when the big screen flashes us a thigh-thick neck battling double chins and jowls, he KO's our libidos.
[71] BIG SHOWGRAPPLING BEHEMOTH
Pro-wrestling's most absurd human specimen since Andre the Giant, this seven-foot freak has brought the old-school, man-boobs-and-Tarzan-spandex look back to the WWE.
