[37] RALPH NADERROTUND RAPPER
Not satisfied with corn-holing the American citizenry via his tragic, spazz-tastic 2000 run for the presidency — the one that cost Al Gore crucial votes and saddled us with the humanitarian disaster that is George W. Bush — this egomaniacal fruitcake is gearing up to do it again. Spoiler alert: fasten your seatbelts, his fifth campaign for the Oval Office will also be unsuccessful! Unfortunately, it may again siphon off enough votes to leave us in Iraq through the next millennium. “He couldn’t have a wife,” one of Nader-Vader’s anti-corporate-crusading staffers once told Mother Jones. “He’s up all night reading the Congressional Record.” Allow us to suggest another explanation: he’s an emotionless crash-test dummy.
The man was a fraud from the very begining. The Corvair was a fine car, and less prone to rolllovers than the VW Beetle, but trashing the VW would have alienated his early base.