001 Roger Clemens

[1] ROGER CLEMENS
'ROID-RAGING ROCKET

Considering Roger Clemens moth-eaten congressional testimony, this year’s Unsexiest champ is a quadruple threat: baseball and legal talking heads say that he’s a cheater, a liar/perjurer, a substance-abuser, and a world-class scumbag. The latter charge, mind you, reflects the fact that he threw under the bus not just his trainer pal Brian McNamee (who said he’d be willing to go to jail for Clemens) and trusted teammate Andy Pettite (whom he claimed “misremembers” testimony), but even his wife. His sexy status is further jeopardized by his Cro-Magnon mug (never have a player’s looks been so betrayed by the removal of his ball cap) and, worse, the litany of grotesque anatomical details we’ve been forced to hear. As the Mitchell Report noted, “McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period.” Responded Clemens: “If he’s doing that to me, I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead.” Oh, is that what that is?