What can Brown set on fire for you?
And finally, in this all-Brown edition of “Blotter,” former University of Louisville basketball player Erik Brown was sentenced to five years probation and also ordered to live with his mother and take psychotropic medication, after setting a fire in his Kentucky home in August 2006.
Brown, who has been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, was apparently trying to commit suicide by sitting in a burning room. He was on probation for felony theft at the time of the arrest, and ended up pleading guilty but mentally ill to criminal mischief for the fire charge.
No more sports Browns were arrested this past week, but we’ll keep you posted.
When he’s not googling “purloined pastry” and “NBA cap violations,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached at M_Taibbi@yahoo.com.
LEADER BOARD
LAVON CHISLEY (PENN STATE) | murder | 125
PACMAN JONES (TITANS) | multiple offenses, leaving dude paralyzed, having rocks in his tiny head | 110
JIMMY LEON WILSON (MONTANA) | murder (case pending) | 99
LOREN WADE (ARIZONA STATE) | murder, second degree | 98
STEVE SWINDAL (YANKEES) | DUI | 98
RON ARTEST (KINGS) | starving Socks, domestic violence, intimidation | 95
DOMINIC JONES (MINNESOTA) | cell-phone video rapist (case pending) | 90
CURLY-HAIRED BOYFRIEND (GLOBE) | making strange, heated phone calls to strangers | 90
O.J. SIMPSON (CITIZEN OF THE WORLD) | being just too funny for words | 88
JULIO MATEO (PHILLIES) | punching, biting wife, sitting in bullpen with Brett Myers | 85
ELIJAH DUKES (D-RAYS) | stalking, threats, weed, multiple busts, being a dick | 82
TOM PARROS (RETIRED, RAIDERS) | creepy teen sex assault | 80
RICHARD SEIGLER (STEELERS) | pimping | 79
MURIETTA JOCKS (MURIETTA FIGHT CLUB) | various | 75
DERRICK DAVIS (MONTANA STATE) | punching, throwing things at women | 70
A.J. NICHOLSON (BENGALS) | hitting girlfriend, inducing her to say she hit herself | 69
TONE TAUPULE (IDAHO) | pistol-whipping, armed robbery | 62
JORDAN MURCHISON (WASHINGTON) | girl-beating, hair-pulling, being a dick | 60
TIM DONAGHY (NBA) | spearheading the NBA’s own personal Black Sox scandal | 58
RAFER ALSTON (ROCKETS) | getting medieval and then blaming it on money-seeking victims| 50
BRYANT MCNEAL (RAIDERS) | bilking a pawnbroker and, worse, a dentist | 50
JUSTIN MILLER (JETS) | accidental girl-punching, getting caught on foot by cops | 50
SIX FOOTBALL PLAYERS (GUILFORD) | assault | 50 (downgraded)
SCOTT OLSEN (MARLINS) | getting Tasered, getting beat up by one’s own teammates, being a boorish clown with a lollipop breaking ball | 48
KATSUHIKO MAEKAWA (ORIX BUFFALOES) | DUI, hit/run | 47
RONNIE FIELDS (MINOT SKYROCKETS) | sex assault | 40
MICHAEL SIPILI (COLORADO) | breaking dude’s face in three places | 40
MIKE GILLESPIE (FLORIDA A&M) | lurking, pseudo-stalking | 38
ANDRE JONES (TEXAS) | home invasion (case pending) | 38
WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER DEWAR (CMU) | window peeping | 38
DAVID “CIRCUS” KIRCUS (BRONCOS) | breaking dude’s face | 36
CHRIS PERRI (COLORADO) | pounding on dude who tried to protect his girlfriend | 36
JUSTIN JACKSON (TENNESSEE) | slinging rock | 33
JERRAMY STEVENS (SEAHAWKS) | DUI, weed, throwing used condoms | 32
JOSE OFFERMAN (LONG ISLAND DUCKS) | hitting dudes with bat | 31
LIONEL SULLIVAN (BGSU) | stealing video games, being a dumbass | 31
DEX REID (COLTS) | weed, gun, being a Colt, sucking while a Patriot | 30
MARVIN JONES (IDAHO) | dealing coke to undercover cops, getting caught for same | 30
MIKE TYSON (N/A) | coke, DUI | 28
RASHAUN BROADUS (BYU) | DUI, having Snoop Dogg’s last name | 26
GUSTAVO CHACIN (BLUE JAYS) | DUI, having cologne named after him | 26
PETER GARDERE (TEXAS) | DUI | 25
TONY LA RUSSA (CARDINALS) | DUI | 25
RYAN KRAUSE (CHARGERS) | DUI | 25
HENRY MELTON (TEXAS) | DUI | 25
TANK JOHNSON (CHICAGO BEARS) | DUI | 25
MAURICE PURIFY (NEBRASKA) | DUI, etc. | 25
GAINESVILLE POLICE (FL) | entrapping with dimebags, being sneaky fucks | 23
DONTRELLE WILLIS (MARLINS) | DUI, peeing | 23
BATMAN CARROLL (JAGUARS) | gun, ecstasy, sucking | 22
CHARLES SHARON (JAGUARS) | stolen gun | 22
DARRELL REID (COLTS) | weed-in-car, being a Colt | 20
RANDY FOYE (T-WOLVES) | fighting | 20
MINNY P.D. (MN) | Tasering | 20
KWAME BROWN (LAKERS) | Being verbally demonstrative with Georgia cops | 18
KRIS LUCHSINGER (OHIO) | bar fight | 18
GERALD SENSABAUGH (JAGUARS) | gun, speeding | 17
TINSLEY, DANIELS, MCLEOD (PACERS) | fighting | 15
TARELL BROWN (TEXAS) | pre-draft weed bust | 11
STEVE GARCIA (SOUTH CAROLINA) | keying a professor’s car, not getting away with it | 9
ROBERT ANTHONY GRANT (FORT HAYS STATE) | fugitive balling | 6
ERIC SCOTT (UCLA) | weird-ass burglary case | 6
MOBILE P.D. (AL) | being dicks | 5
ANTHONY WATERS (CHARGERS) | assault | 5
TYRELL GATEWOOD (TEXAS) | weed, driving while holding outstanding warrant | 5
SHAWNE WILLIAMS (PACERS) | driving without a license, making Larry Bird miserable | 3
TODD MARINOVICH (EX-RAIDER) | skateboarding on meth | 3
ANDRAY BLATCHE (WIZARDS) | soliciting undercover cop-chick on eve of contract signing | 3
ANTONIO HENTON (OSU) | also soliciting, but for less money than Blatche | 3
HOWARD STIRGUS (DENTON) | bomb threats | 3
DERMARR JOHNSON (NUGGETS) |getting Tasered | 2
MIKE TAYLOR (IOWA STATE) | stealing $11.06| 1.5
WILLIE WILLIAMS (LOUISVILLE) | weed | 1
KYLE MCALARNEY (NOTRE DAME) | weed | 1
TERRANCE DESHAWN HOOKS (BYU) | weed | 1
JUSTIN REED (ROCKETS) | failing to drop weed baggie | 0.5
LEIGH BODDEN (BROWNS) | pulling a “full Peavy” | 0.5
BRANDON JAMES AND BRANDON POWELL (FLORIDA) | victims of petty weed entrapment | -9