Who loves New York?
Clinton’s a bargain compared with fellow New Yorker Rudolph Giuliani, a natural-born fascist who is drooling over the chance to take over an Oval Office replete with über powers vested in it by our current unitary executive. Giuliani has a lot in common with Bush. Between the two of them there isn’t a single qualm about politically exploiting the innocents massacred on their watch on September 11, 2001. Giuliani claimed he spent more time at Ground Zero than anyone else. The truth is, he spent more time feeding off it than anyone else.

Giuliani was the Republican front-runner until stories about his sleazy business dealings, misuse of New York City resources, and the federal indictment of Bernard Kerik — his former police commissioner and the man he touted to run the Department of Homeland Security — brought him back to the unelectable pack.

Mitt Romney wrote enough checks dated 2007 to keep the economies of both Iowa and New Hampshire afloat. While pursuing the Oval Office, Romney won’t be answering any of those MTV questions about boxers or briefs, because he wears a special one-piece Jesus: the Sequel affair. In early December, he made a stirring plea for all religions to unite in hatred for atheists and agnostics. Don’t get me wrong, a man’s cult is a matter that should be between him and the people deciding whether or not he should run their country.

Republican comer du jour is Mike Huckabee, Arkansas’s former governor. Huckabee lost more than 100 pounds by sticking to a strict exercise regime of Bible thumping. His Heavenward trajectory is the result of growing support from reptile-brained religious rightists who worship his 6000-year-old views on evolution.

Who else?

Dems:

John Edwards? In a pinch, and this sure is one.

Dennis Kucinich? Absolutely, if anyone would give him a chance.

Joe Biden? The difference between a neolib and a neocon is the neolib pays lip service to you before he fucks you over.

Chris Dodd? See Biden.

Bill Richardson? See Biden and Dodd.

And the R’s:

Fred Thompson? All the charisma of Deputy Dawg but none of the intellectual acumen.

John McCain? Could gain steam from new Iraq fictions bolstering his jingoistic position, but he’s older than the dirt Bush threw at him in 2000.

Ron Paul? Against the war but also opposes reproductive rights for women and the human right of health care. Thanks just the same.

Tom Tancredo? See Millard Fillmore.

Duncan Hunter: See Birth of a Nation.

Regardless of who takes office in 2009, George W. Bush is still the president now. For the next year, we’ll be told how we’ll have to wait for history to render a judgment on him.

Like hell we will.

Bush led us onto a one-way, protracted path of violence and that’s his legacy — a legacy as unavoidable as 2007 itself.

Barry Crimmins has been a Phoenix contributor for 20 years. He can be reached at bfcrim@barrycrimmins.com . His blog, Words To Live Near, is available at barrycrimmins.com.