A LITTLE TOO LATE
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
This may seem a little bit picky, as it is merely a matter of etiquette, but I'm curious about what you think. I was recently listening to an NPR program where they mentioned "the late Dag Hammarskjold." I know who Hammarskjold was — the secretary-general of the United Nations in the 1960s — and even read his book Markings (which is sort of a book of aphorisms). What I always thought is that the phrase "the late" is for speaking of the recently departed and not those who passed away decades ago. What is correct in this situation?
Lawrence
Dear Lawrence,
Keep in mind that Dr. Lovemonkey is not exactly Emily Post, but it would seem to me that once one is dead, that person is dead, whether it occurred last week or in the Middle Ages. If a person is dead, they are "late." (I believe it was Richard Pryor who said, "They're not just late, they're not coming at all." While it would seem a bit silly to refer to "the late Christopher Columbus" or "the late Jane Austen," to my way of thinking, it would not be wrong.
THINK, THEN SPEAK
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am humiliated to even tell you this, but here is the story: I work in a setting where the individual offices are rather close together. The other day, I was venting about a co-worker with whom I have not had the best relationship, and telling another worker what an incredible jerk this guy is. I went on for some time, as the co-worker to whom I was relating this started looking very uncomfortable. Just why became clear as the fellow I had been excoriating (he was apparently in the next room the whole time) walked into the doorway. He gave me a look that said in no uncertain terms, "You pathetic bastard." Since then (two days ago), I have been sitting in my office, silently berating myself for my incredible thoughtlessness and stupidity. I realize how obnoxious I must have sounded. Is there anything that I can do to change the atmosphere and to make things better? Is there any kind of apology I can make?
Giant Foot in Mouth
Dear Giant,
Yes, and it will undoubtedly be very unpleasant. Personally approach the person you excoriated and tell them how mortified and humiliated you feel for being so rude and thoughtless. It might also be helpful to tell your co-worker that, while you've had your differences, you'd like to work together more cooperatively and get along better. In short, you must eat giant crow, feathers and all. Be assured that many people (including Dr. Lovemonkey) have had similar experiences, if that's of any comfort (which I certainly doubt). By the way, your co-worker may reject your plea for forgiveness, but it is virtually the only thing that you can do.
SEX PISTOL
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a healthy hetero 29-year-old woman who has, over the years, had a number of sexual relationships with men that have had, shall we say, no emotional attachment. (Quite a few hetero men have been operating this way for ages.) Anyway, I have some female friends, most of them a little older than I, and when I talk about my activities, they are truly puzzled. They don't chastise me or express disapproval, but it's clear that they don't know what to say. Do you think that I should cease sharing things with them?
Liberated Lady
Dear Liberated,
If you've been sharing your adventures all along, stopping suddenly might be interpreted as you shunning their friendship. You are friends, and even if they don't get what you're about, it seems that they care about and like you. Maybe with newer friends you shouldn't be so "open" about your sex life.
Send questions and romantic quandaries toTillie27@verizon.net.
