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FallGuide2009

It's not OK with us

Those arrogant US auto execs need a major comeuppance
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  November 25, 2008

The utter arrogance of the CEOs of the Big Three auto companies was on full display last week when it was pointed out that they came to Washington with their hats in hand for a bailout by flying in on their individual corporate jets.

This was not lost on the members of the House Financial Services Committee, before whom they appeared, who rightly tore them new arseholes for their self-indulgence. As US Representative Gary L. Ackerman (D-N.Y.) said: "It's almost like seeing a guy show up at the soup kitchen in high-hat and tuxedo. . . . I mean, couldn't you all have downgraded to first or jet-pooled or something to get here?"

Actually, Phillipe + Jorge would have gone to more extreme lengths, such as having them all beaten to within an inch of their lives with a tailpipe in front of a full house of laid-off auto workers at the Pontiac Silverdome. But there seems to be some Congressional law that P+J have yet to unearth that does not permit a CEO — even one of a company that he or she has run into the ground — from being fired without a golden parachute.

This despite a jaw-dropping display of cluelessness in the face of total incompetence in the exchange between US Representative Peter Roskam (R-Ill.) and Richard Wagoner when Roskam asked if they would work for a dollar a year, as Chrysler's Robert Nardelli has supposedly said he would do (in which case he would still be overpaid): "I don't have a position on that today," said Wagoner, who in 2007 made $15.7 million. "I understand the intent, but I think where we are is okay," replied Ford's Alan Mulally, who is taking down $21.7 million annually. "I'm asking about you," Roskam responded. "I think I'm okay where I am," Mulally said.

P+J, and we are sure many others, think you would be OK where you are — only if it was in a burlap sack full of concrete at the bottom of Lake Michigan.

The number one thing that Congress should be asking for from any company to which taxpayers' dollars are given to bail them out should be for the immediate firing of their CEOs, and a restriction on the salaries and bonuses of any top-level executives and managers to no more than $200,000 per year, and even have all of those earnings justified by annual performance.

Can't get by on that, boys? There's the door. Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out. And happy job hunting, with those resumes.

GOSH, THANKS
You can't top the Catholic Church for being right on top of things in a timely manner. (Oh, OK, so maybe that Galileo guy did make some good points.)

Fans of the Beatles will be delighted to know that they can finally sleep soundly, knowing that the Vatican's semi-official newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano (which translates to "Ooh, hello, young man" in English), has forgiven John Lennon for saying "We're more popular than Jesus now."

This rapid response addressed the Lennon comment made just yesterday — in 1966 — so have no fear since the boys in robes are on top of things. L'Osservatore Romano decided that Lennon's comment, which upset only reactionary imbeciles at the time, was merely a "boast." Although we do believe the Beatles were outselling most of the Vatican's discs in those days.

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Related: The problem with the Church's selective embrace, Keeping faith, Unchecked power and secrecy — not gays — are the church’s problem, More more >
  Topics: Phillipe And Jorge , Barack Obama, U.S. Government, U.S. Congressional News,  More more >
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ARTICLES BY PHILLIPE AND JORGE
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    In case you missed it, comedian Jenny Slate, a new cast member of the still-atrophying Saturday Night Live, caused a stir by saying “fuck” on the September 26 show in a biker chicks sketch with Kristen Wiig.
  •   DOWN IN THE DUMPS  |  September 23, 2009
    Your superior correspondents are shocked -- shocked! we tell you -- to see a front page story in the Other Paper indicating that there has been some sort of monkey business going on at the Rhode Island Resource Recovery Corporation, aka, the Central Landfill, aka "the Dump."
  •   CHEESY AND CRACKERS  |  September 16, 2009
    There is no place hotter in the media lately than South Carolina, "The Cracker State," whose logo is still  essentially the Confederate flag.
  •   WALL STREET'S DEATH WISH  |  September 09, 2009
    If you read the front page of the September 6 New York Times , P+J hope you are either dumbfounded, appalled, frightened, or so pissed off that you went and got the Uzi from the attic and looked for the Amtrak schedule for the Northeast Corridor trains running to New York City and Washington, DC. At least it shows you are paying attention.
  •   HEALTH OF A NATION  |  August 19, 2009
    Let's just forget about all these dog and pony health care "forums" and face some facts. First and foremost, the main (and, perhaps, only) debate is this: Do you believe that health should be subject to the marketplace?

 See all articles by: PHILLIPE AND JORGE

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