If I were seven years old, I'm sure I'd find this movie fucking incredible. The sheer wonderment of "Aromascope" — a callback to the Smell-O-Vision "technology" of the '60s — would be enough to send me into an off-the-wall fit. It wouldn't matter that the fragrance card smelled so strongly of jelly beans that it rendered the designated dog-fart and blue-cheese scents null. Or that the plot is an afterthought to both the aforementioned specs and cheap 3D thrills. Rowan Blanchard and Mason Cook pretend to be secret agents when they discover, through an oddly glossed-over bout of home invasion, that their mother (Jessica Alba) is an undercover spy herself. All well and cute — except that they must battle Tick Tock (Jeremy Piven), a villain more mild than dastardly, who schemes to speed up time in a daft plot seemingly jacked from the most brainless of Saturday morning cartoons. Director Robert Rodriguez has made no bones about this one being strictly for the kiddies. And I'll be equally upfront in recommending that adult fans of the cult director wait for the Machete sequel.
