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Best of Portland 2009

National Football Conference

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Whiz kids

Two Saints get caught sinning. Plus, swirling down the post-NFL drug-addiction drain.
The Sports Genius of the Week Award is actually going to be shared by a pair of now-former New Orleans Saints fringe-roster players, wide receiver Biren Ealy and tight end Kolomona Kapanui.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  May 13, 2009
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Conversation piece

Leon Johnson explains his trans-historical-post-colonial-dinner-wait-what?!
Leon Johnson explains his trans-historical-post-colonial-dinner-wait-what?!
By IAN PAIGE  |  April 29, 2009
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Review: Big Fan

Run-of-the-mill, cheap laughs
"He's another Martin Scorsese!" crows mom when her son screens an awful ad for his ambulance-chasing law firm in this unimpressive debut from Robert Siegel.
By PETER KEOUGH  |  April 15, 2009
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NFL follies

Pro football gets tossed around. Plus, Kirk Snyder goes to the dentist.
Not only was Donte Stallworth officially charged with DUI manslaughter, but another former AFC East star, former Buffalo Bill running back Travis Henry, reached a plea agreement on drug charges.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  April 08, 2009
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Review: The Rocket that Fell to Earth

Roger Clemens's fall and rise and fall
On July 18, 1992, in a celebrated post-game meltdown at the Metrodome in Minneapolis, the pitcher formerly known as the Rocket expressed his displeasure over a column I had written.
By GEORGE KIMBALL  |  April 01, 2009

16. Plaxico Burress

MENTAL-MIDGET GIANT
How does a man who catches things for a living lose control of a loaded Glock? Ever the overachiever, New York Giants wide receiver Burress was unsatisfied with the mere unsexiness of wearing sweatpants to a nightclub, and compounded the embarrassing phallic clichés about men and their guns by having the pistol in his pants pop a little early. While no Ron Mexico, Burress remains a limping monument to near-fatal stupidity.
By Boston Phoenix Staff  |  March 25, 2009

Losing a Brown basketball legend

Plus a mad money man, off-color comics, and a Laffey-Chafee gaffe
On the sadness front, while P+J missed our chance to say the sporting old boys hereabouts were grieved to learn of the passing of former Brown basketball star Eddie Morris on March 5.
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  March 11, 2009

We could be heroes . . .

Superlative sobriquet overused as blanket term for all military members
With all due respect to David Bowie's lyrics — and certainly to all the men and women in the military at all levels — the concept of "hero" as it pertains to the media's use of the term has sadly become overblown.
By PHILLIPPE AND JORGE  |  February 11, 2009

A great little performer

Obama administration stubs its toe with the tax-challenged
If this doesn't convince you that no one with lotsa bucks plays by the rules, and that insider trading is rife on Wall Street, along with obscene bonuses collected by what are essentially crooks, with no morals, at most big lending institutions, how would you like to buy that bridge to Brooklyn at the lower end of Manhattan?
By PHILLIPPE AND JORGE  |  February 04, 2009
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Meggett takes an early lead

Sad sack
When football scouts describe running backs, they like to talk about a back's "shake": his ability to make tacklers miss in the hole.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  January 27, 2009

One of a kind

Rest in peace, Claiborne Pell, former senator and all-around class act
Phillipe + Jorge took time to attend the funeral of Claiborne Pell, in deference to all that he did for both Rhode Island and civility everywhere he went.
By PHILLIPE + JORGE  |  January 07, 2009

Annus horribilis

Balls, pucks, and Monster Trucks
It’s New Year’s, a time for reckoning. With the notable exception of the Celtics, the past twelve months were tough on my teams, starting with a huge, unforgettable disaster.
By RICK WORMWOOD  |  December 31, 2008
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Skell of the year 2008

Four out of five dentists recommend Plaxico as 2008’s worst sports criminal
Man, this was a tough one.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  December 23, 2008
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Fourth-estate follies!

Remembering the year in media malfeasance
Granted, other years have had flashier media embarrassments (Jayson Blair, Stephen Glass), but that doesn't mean that 2008 lacked for media misdeeds.
By ADAM REILLY  |  December 24, 2008
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Blount's blunts

Sports blotter: "Gone to pot" edition
Let’s just say it’s been a while since we’ve seen a pound-worthy entry to the annals of pot busts, as we did this week.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  December 19, 2008
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Shattered Plax

Sports blotter: Burress edition
Sports blotter: Burress edition
By MATT TAIBBI  |  December 10, 2008
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Surprising

Sports blotter: "Absolutely fell out of my chair" edition
You do a thing often enough, you tend to get good at that thing.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  December 03, 2008
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Last of the Redskins

What can sports mascots teach us about Native American relations today?
The Scarborough School Board changed from “Redskins” to the “Red Storm” eight years ago, at a time when high school and college teams around the country were trending away from using Native American mascots.
By RICK WORMWOOD  |  December 02, 2008
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Bad idea jeans

Sports blotter: "You’re looking at some years, son" edition
Sports blotter: "You’re looking at some years, son" edition
By MATT TAIBBI  |  November 25, 2008
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Harvard Beats Yale 29-29

Scores in nearly every department
Kevin Rafferty's 40th-anniversary documentary about the fabled Game of 1968 — when both teams were unbeaten and Harvard, after being completely outplayed by the 16th-ranked Elis, scored 16 points in the final 42 seconds to "win" — has no designs on being innovative: contemporary interviews with the players are intercut with slightly fuzzy but quite acceptable footage of the game.
By JEFFREY GANTZ  |  November 24, 2008
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Magnum farce

Sports blotter: "CSI: Binghamton" edition
Sports blotter: "CSI: Binghamton" edition
By MATT TAIBBI  |  November 19, 2008
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He choked big time

Sports blotter: "Ugly incident" edition
Sports blotter: "Ugly incident" edition
By MATT TAIBBI  |  November 12, 2008
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Quiet before the storm

Sports blotter: "Good call, coach" edition
There have been a lot of mysteries surrounding the Patriots in the Bill Belichick years, not surprising given the intense effort the team puts into maintaining airtight clubhouse and organizational secrecy in general.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  November 05, 2008
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CMJ in one day

The Gray Lady of indie music fests ain’t what she used to be
The Gray Lady of indie music fests ain’t what she used to be
By CHRIS FARAONE  |  November 30, 2008
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BBs and b-balls

Sports blotter: "Inducing panic" edition
A few years ago, it looked like college athletes shooting strangers with BB guns was going to be the boutique sports offense of the 21st century.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  October 29, 2008

‘Jock-ular’ election coverage

How Mike Ditka almost became the Republican heir-apparent
Yes, today the Providence Phoenix is celebrating its 30th anniversary, including the 10-year run of the NewPaper, and P+J are so proud to have been here the whole time.  
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  October 22, 2008
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Cursed Aztecs

Sports blotter: "Late-night shopping" edition
San Diego State Aztecs basketball coach Steve Fisher lectures his players during the season about how to behave off the court, getting pretty specific about what he doesn’t want to see.   
By MATT TAIBBI  |  October 29, 2008
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Dance, Monkey: Iliza Shlesinger

We put a comic on the hot seat. This week’s victim . . .
Those pimply colorful gourds. I can’t figure them out. They’re like the ugly stepsisters for the pumpkin. Can you eat them? No. Are they pretty? No. Do you need them on your table?  
By SARA FAITH ALTERMAN  |  October 22, 2008
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Hello, Larry

Sports blotter: "End of an era" edition
Absolutely nothing is funny about the Lawrence Phillips case, so let’s not even go there — there isn’t a single laugh to be found in this past week’s news that the onetime Next Jim Brown was sentenced to 10 years in Cali.  
By MATT TAIBBI  |  October 16, 2008
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More bad news for the Mets

Sports blotter: "Very bad times" edition
Look, it just isn’t seemly for us non–New Yorkers to laugh too much about the continued suckdom of the New York Mets, specifically their bullpen.  
By MATT TAIBBI  |  October 09, 2008

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