Dr Love Monkey

Aspiring fornicator

Dr. Lovemonkey

By DR. LOVEMONKEY | July 23, 2008

Wait and see
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I really like this guy a lot, but he only calls once in a blue moon. I get very excited when he calls. He knows that I like him, and he sometimes tells me he loves me. I’d really like to believe him, but he doesn’t show the desired level of interest. A few weeks ago, we went to the movies with some friends, and he held my hand during the movie. Afterwards, he kissed me. But he hasn’t asked me out yet. What do you think is going on here?
_Laura

Dear Laura,
Maybe you should suggest that you go out, just the two of you. He may need a little encouragement. If he is really interested, things will happen in time. You’ll just have to be a bit more patient. If there isn’t that much interest, this will also be revealed. Your impatience indicates to Dr. Lovemonkey that you’re a teenager. I sure hope so, because an older person should know these things.

Intimate gift
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
The girl that I’m seeing is a hillbilly and I’m really at a loss as to what to give here for a birthday gift. Last Christmas, I bought her a bracelet and necklace. The necklace has an “I” in diamonds (for her initial), and though she has told me that she really likes the jewelry, she says she would prefer something more “personal.” I’ve decided to fashion some sort of jewelry myself, but I am stuck as what to do. Do you have any ideas?
_C.T. in Swansea

Dear C.T.,
Gee, I don’t know. I suppose you mentioned that she is “a hillbilly” for a reason, so perhaps you could create a bracelet or necklace with a likeness of Jethro Clampett, Li’l Abner, or some other hillbilly icon fashioned out of coal. Check with a more knowledgeable hillbilly consultant on this.

Aspiring fornicator
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have spent my entire life in the evangelical culture, so I have no idea how to function in the real world. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never had sex, and never even kissed a girl. I’m a fairly attractive, healthy, well-adjusted young man, but the only women I know are hardcore evangelical Christians, and I am not really interested in starting a relationship with one of them. I heard plenty of tales and read plenty of stories about people in college hooking up and getting laid, but I haven’t had the chance. I’ve gone to bars and clubs, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to do or how to meet people. Can you help me?
_Recovering Fundamentalist

Dear Recovering,
Don’t think that all those people out there “hooking up” and “getting laid” are privy to some cultural secret that you’ve missed out on because of your strict religious past. The best thing for anyone who wants to have an enjoyable social life is to go out to clubs and bars — wherever it is that you want to be — with a group of friends. These should be people who you like and enjoy being with. When you have a good time with friends, others will find you attractive and want to be your friend. This may sound simplistic or stupid, but, believe me, it is an instantly detectable turn-off when you are on the prowl. People are attracted to people who appear to be having fun. So go out and have fun with friends, and things will fall in place.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to rudycheeks@verizon.net.