Leaky thinking

Beer goggles

Dr Love Monkey

Devilish time

Dirty talk
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Recently, I was walking down the street and came upon a group of young teenagers who were loudly cursing. I told them that they were rude and disrespectful to inflict this on passersby. They told me to “shut the fuck up.” Is what I did wrong? What is wrong with these kids, and what is the appropriate way to teach them a lesson? I’m concerned that the behavior of youngsters today is getting worse and worse.
_Civilized Woman

Dear Civilized,
You didn’t do anything wrong — you did something stupid. It is a gigantic waste of time to lecture strangers (even those who appear to be teen troglodytes) about their unfortunate behavior. Your reprimands will make absolutely no impression. One’s influence on someone is usually in direct proportion to the intimacy of the relationship. Therefore, the best way to improve the behavior of youth is to become a mentor, a teacher, or a friend to them. Street-based reproofs aimed at roving bands of ragamuffins are, at best, ignored, and at worst, a prelude to receiving a thrashing from said ragamuffins. Wise up, civilized lady.

Sibling rivalry
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
About three years ago, I started going out with my best friend’s brother. We’ve been together ever since, but in the past year-and-a-half or so my friend and her brother’s relationship with each other has grown increasingly testy. They fight with each other a lot, and I find myself in the middle. My friend expects me to reflexively side with her, and my boyfriend thinks I am being disloyal if I back his sister. I can’t win in this situation. What should I do?
_Anna in North Kingstown

Dear Anna,
You’re right — you can’t win in this situation. The only thing that you can and should do is to inform both of them that you will not mediate their disagreements and will not take sides. Tell them to leave you out of this and to work things out on their own. You have to set these boundaries, or they will drag you in and chew you up.

Devilish time
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’m a Gothic Satanist who’s been dating a young Christian woman for the past two months. I am wondering how to introduce myself to her parents, who, as I understand it, are committed Christians and very involved with their church. If I meet them and discuss the historical roots and reasons for my belief system, I think they will accept me. What are your thoughts on this?
_Salvatore Satan

Dear Salvatore,
Perhaps you are correct, but Dr. Lovemonkey’s doesn’t share your optimism about finding parental acceptance. My sense is more like, “Good luck to you and the Seattle Mariners” (who are currently more than 31 games behind the Los Angeles Angels in the American League West). This relationship seems likely to end sadly. If your lady friend’s belief system is not unlike that of her parents, and you are true to your beliefs, where can the twain meet? Get smart: find yourself a fire-breathing, devil-embracing young lady in black lipstick.

Send questions and romantic quandaries torudycheeks@verizon.net.

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