Make a move
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
There’s a woman I went to college with who I’m just crazy about. She’s smart, beautiful, and in law school in North Carolina, while I’m here, working in New England. I have reason to be in North Carolina in a few weeks and plan on looking her up. She’s so fabulous that she’s always had lots of suitors, but she’s never gotten very serious about any of them. I’m wondering if, when I look her up, I should play it cool and not call her too often and only make intermittent contact. I feel more confident now since we were in college and also feel more attractive. But I’m not sure if I should be more assertive, or as I’m thinking, play it cool. Any thoughts?
_Ben L.
Dear Ben L.
You are trying to change the nature of the relationship, and Dr. Lovemonkey feels that “playing it cool” won’t do that. You should go down there and let her know, in no uncertain terms, that you are interested in her. You desire a real and meaningful relationship. Research the best places to dine and go out in the area and take her there. Make it a whirlwind visit and fully reveal your interest. Perhaps it will not work out, but this would be the strategy that could work and change the dynamic. Being laid back apparently didn’t work in the past, so give this your best shot.
Pesky business
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’m a 24-year-old woman who, about six months ago, broke up with the only guy I’ve ever had a serious relationship with in my life. I’ve been trying to move on, but there is a fly in the ointment. He’s started seeing another woman, and she is trying to buddy-up with me. She calls, e-mails, and wants to discuss my ex, but she also seems to “want to be my friend.” I don’t get it and find it annoying. Should I continue being friendly with this woman?
_Wanting to Shake Loose
Dear Wanting,
Your instinct is correct. This woman does not want to be your friend; she is just looking for tips and hints on how to enhance her relationship with your ex. This exacerbates your progress in trying to move on, since it continues to plunge you into the soap opera of his life. Avoid her calls, do not answer her e-mails, and let her know as graciously as possible that you have no interest in hanging out or cultivating any sort of relationship with her. This is all about her, and it has nothing to do with you, except to slow you down and cause you anguish. Shake her off any way you can.
Beer goggles
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
What do you say on the following morning to someone with whom you slept that you ordinarily never would have unless you were drunk? What I’ve found happens is that the person you unfortunately slept with gets up the next morning and thinks this is the beginning of a great new relationship. You are thinking, “I’ve got to crawl out of here before anybody sees me, and I’m hoping that the other person was just as drunk as I was and can’t remember that anything happened.” Is there anything that you should tell the other person, or should you just disappear and hope that you never see them again?
_JPL
Dear JPL,
You sound like a lovely person. Dr. Lovemonkey is not very good at instructing people on how to evade responsibility. But it would be quite thoughtful of you to tell the person that you only slept with because you were drunk and that you have a drinking problem.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to rudycheeks@verizon.net.
