Feel the noise
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I really love music and do a lot of rocking out in my house, but I’ve always been respectful of my neighbors. Recently, some new people moved in next door and they don’t seem to have the same attitude. They blast bass-heavy hip-hop music at all hours, and while this is annoying, I am reluctant to call the police and complain, because it would be quite apparent who lodged the complaint. I admit that I am a bit intimidated by them. What should I do?
_Barry in Cranston
Dear Barry,
Stop over there and try to broker some sort of peace agreement on times and acceptable volume levels. If that doesn’t work, the only thing I can think of is a bit risky and will, for a time, escalate the matter. That would be to loudly play music that will likely irritate them. It sounds like they are not opera aficionados, so I’d go for something along those lines. Perhaps something a bit modernistic (The Nose by Shostakovich, based on the Gogol story, has, in my estimation, a rather high annoyance factor). When they come over to complain, it would be an excellent opportunity to set some ground rules. It could, of course, backfire, in which case it would be a good idea to have a tire iron positioned in the front hallway.
Under the influence
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been involved in a relationship with a man for about a year-and-a-half. When we got together, our compatibility and similar outlooks on life worked beautifully. I was seriously consid-ering marriage and things seemed to be headed in that direction. But then his parents got involved and, slowly, he started pulling back, calling me less and checking on me inconsistently.
When I confronted him, he acknowledged that he was torn between his parents’ attitude — they disapproved of me because of my religion — and his own feelings. I was upset and we broke up because his parents’ influence. After a while, he told me he wanted to get back together. I didn’t think we could work it out unless he stood up for me with his parents. He was reluc-tant to repudiate them, so I told him it was over and not to contact me again.
It’s been four months, and he hasn’t contacted me, but I’m going a little nuts. I still have strong feelings for him, but I need some sort of closure to fully get on with my life. In the end, he asked if we could still be friends, and I told him that I didn’t think it was possible. Is it too late to get some answers from him on why things had to end this way? Should I try to talk to him?
_Tortured
Dear Tortured,
Sometimes, there just isn’t closure, and it seems to me that you’ve made your decision. You’ll just have to suck it up and move on. Pushing him to explain himself so that you can have “closure” (I seriously doubt that would bring the neat ending that you seek), is not likely to happen anyway. It seems that his relationship with his parents takes precedence over your relationship. There’s no wrong or right here. He has made a choice and you have, too. Now you have to both live with your choices and learn what you can from them.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to tillie27@verizon.net.
