Moment at hand
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My partner of three years and I broke up about six months ago. In many ways, I am to blame for the failure of our relationship: I was very irresponsible with money and I put my ex and our child (we have a 16-month-old son) into a certain amount of jeopardy. I ended up leaving our home. Things are being worked out and I am being accountable for my past mistakes. My ex, though, immediately hooked up with another man weeks after I left the home. Now she is seeing a cousin of mine that she met through our relationship. I have a fairly close extended family and this is causing me much pain. I am also concerned about the impact that this will have on our son. I don’t know if there is anything I can do about this, because she is still quite angry and does not want to speak to me, nor do I think that she will think that this is any of my business. Do you have any ideas on what I can do?
— Alex
Dear Alex,
You can’t tell your ex who she can see or what she can do. It is very important for you to talk with a lawyer about you rights and responsibilities as a parent, and to make sure that you have court-sanctioned visits with your son. Dismiss any notions of having any input on your ex’s activities. That’s over — fuhgeddaboutit. Concentrate on the relationship with your child, and do everything that you can to make it work.
Cleaning agent
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a female college student, currently living in an apartment with two other female roommates. My roommates had been living there for some time with another person in the third room, but she left. When I moved in, I tried to get a sense of what sort of housework we would share. They told me that if I just did some vacuuming and picking up, everything should be fine. As it turns out, they don’t pick up or vacuum anything, and rather than being a part of a fairly equal division of labor, I am consistently picking up and cleaning up after them. I’m starting to suspect that the other roommate left because she was starting to feel like slave labor. What do you propose that I do?
— Feeling Abused
Dear Feeling,
If you have any hope of nipping this in the bud, you’ve got to suggest a house meeting to air your concerns. Things will only go downhill if you allow this to fester, so do something now. Also, if you are speculating that the earlier roommate left because of the situation you face, just forget about it. You don’t know that, and it can only cause more dissent and perhaps misunderstanding. Let’s hope your roommates are reasonable and willing to listen and make things work. Good luck.
Beauty and the beast
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
We’re having a big disagreement over at my place as to whether Sarah Palin is “hot” or not. Where do you stand on this all-important question?
— Ben
Dear Ben,
If Sarah Palin were a regular (as opposed to an apparent semi-regular) on Saturday Night Live, or a movie star (or somebody I actually knew), I might have an opinion on this. I don’t agree with the way she thinks and therefore do not find her attractive. More to the point, in terms of who I support politically, “hotness” is not part of the mix. Was Abraham Lincoln “hot”?
Send questions and romantic quandaries to tillie27@verizon.net.
