Holy trailer park, Batman! Just when Phillipe + Jorge were thanking John “Dubya III” McCain for his veep pick of a Tina Fey look-alike with an Amy Winehouse-wannabe beehive, who is a former TV sportscaster with absolutely no national or foreign policy experience, and who is involved in a scandal over firing a public official who refused to cashier a state trooper for having divorced her sister (whew, let us take a breath here, we’re getting giddy), she now appears to have the parenting skills of Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears’s mother, Lynne. Welcome to Casa Diablo, Alaska Governess Sarah Palin.
Oh, and, wait for it . . . she doesn’t believe in evolution. Jackpot!
And that’s just the tip of the Prince William Sound iceberg. After the news broke that Bristol, the 17-year-old unwed daughter of Governor “Darwin,” is pregnant — something that the gov supposedly didn’t even tell her press secretary, McCain’s claims of having known all about it notwithstanding — until after Dubya III and she announced it.
But despite her Mom’s public advocacy of abstinence-until-marriage, Bristol evidently couldn’t hold out. And who could blame her when you look at young Levi Johnston, the baby’s hockey-playing father. But he’s no dumb jock.
That’s why his MySpace page, until taken down, had him boasting, “I’m a fuckin’ redneck,” and it stated, “I don’t want kids.” There’s a potential Father of the Year award recipient.
The happy couple are now planning to get married, and P+J imagine the only thing providing some relief from the cold barrel of the shotgun pressed into Levi’s back are the wads of money doubtless provided to him as a security blanket by GOP funders.
Now we enter the Twilight Zone. The upside of Bristol’s pregnancy — she is five months along — is that it ostensibly puts the lie to the many Internet rumors that she is already the mother of Governor Darwin’s four-month-old baby, Trig, born in April. While that cuts it close when one recalls some of our “Irish twin” friends, that fact should be enough to call off the bloghounds on that rather skin-crawling front.
Kudos for the GOP for giving new hope to the rest of the world that America isn’t run by clueless, lobbyist-controlled, greedy, warmongering yahoos. What better way to succeed a delusional religious freak that talks to God and supports torture than to put a person who doesn’t believe in evolution a heartbeat away from the presidency.
Denying global warming? That’s penny-ante stuff. Telling Darwin to take a hike? Now you’re talking! (Note to the corporate media: Questions about evolution versus creationism are not sacrosanct religious questions to be avoided by candidates under a “personal faith” argument. It is a scientific, not a religious, issue, and anyone who backs off pursuing that line of questioning is a wuss and a journalistic disgrace.)
Seriously, folks, while we like to have a little fun with Governor Palin, none of the following is germane: her apparent endless soap opera of a family life; her 20 months as the governor of a state smaller in population than Brooklyn; and her experience as the mayor of an Alaskan city that makes Central Falls look like Gotham.
What does matter is her position on important issues, her judgment (not experience), and her character. The facts are that she is opposed to all reproductive rights currently legal (see: Roe v. Wade) and would like to ban all abortions, including those for victims of rape and incest.
She thinks that creationism should be the legal equivalent of evolution; that the continuation of generous tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans is “working” (never mind the yawning gap between rich and poor, the largest in 80 years); that the war in Iraq is . . . wait a minute, she hasn’t had time to formulate any thoughts on Iraq.
Anyone who supported Hillary Clinton for president and votes for the McCain/Palin ticket has no idea of who Hillary Clinton is and what are the issues to which she has dedicated her life.
Sleep tight, America.
Gustav! Gesundheit!
Could the GOP have been more heavy-handed in using the excuse of Hurricane Gustav to delay Dubya Bush and “Big Time Cheney” from being aired nationally, making an address at the Republican National Convention in support of Bush butt-boy John McCain and Sarah “Darwin” Palin?
That is like closing down the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport so folks couldn’t take photos of the legendary Larry Craig Memorial Men’s Room Stall.
It will take more than over-amplified hysterics about Gustav by the GOP to keep Americans from the image of Bush, Cheney, and McCain and to see the obvious: “Great minds think alike.” (Honk!) And Johnny Boy’s running down to New Orleans simply magnified Dubya’s incredible disregard for NOLA during and after Katrina, as well as the entire slimy dysfunction of the Bush administration, sure to be perpetuated by McCain.
