SEX ON THE BRAIN
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a 29-year-old married woman, and I have a big problem with my father-in-law. He was, for many years, a church-going, pillar-of-the-community type of guy (served on the school committee, etc.). He had a good job at a company that closed a couple of years ago. Soon after that, he and his wife, my mother-in-law, separated and for more than a year now, he has been sleeping around with a variety of women, leading a couple of them to believe that they have an exclusive and committed relationship. He frequents prostitutes. He has also taken to regaling virtually everyone with an endless supply of dirty jokes. Recently, we were in a social situation with him, and he blurted out to a woman he hardly knew, "Hey, how about you and I taking a walk down mammary lane." This is way beyond embarrassing. My husband loves his father, but he is also embarrassed, and we have tried not responding to him, changing the subject when it inevitably becomes about sex, and ignoring him completely, but none of this has any impact. What can we do?
Horrified and Appalled
Dear Horrified,
Your husband should suggest very strongly to his father that he make an appointment with a neurological specialist, as your father-in-law might be suffering from some sort of "brain changes" (now there's an example of Dr. Lovemonkey's sophistication and grasp of technical/medical issues). That he might just be unleashing his inner lecher, and dispensing with those little courtesies we generally associate with "civilization," is another possibility. At least, however, you can cease socializing with your father-in-law, and save yourself this unneeded embarrassment.
THREE'S A CROWD
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a 25-year-old hetero female who recently (six weeks ago) gave birth to a baby with the guy I've been with for the past two-and-a-half years. For the past couple of weeks, he has pushed more strenuously to fulfill a fantasy that he has had for some time: having a threesome, with the third being another man. Dr. Lovemonkey, I can understand someone wanting to explore their bisexuality, and I have no problem with this, but I am only interested in being an observer in this scenario. But he is quite insistent that I be a participant. Do you think that this (as I fear) will damage our relationship or lead into something that will prove negative?
Annie
Dear Annie,
There is almost always a problem in the threesome experience whenever all the participants are not on the same page. If one of the people involved is not enthusiastic and has to be convinced or coerced into participation, it is not good. You are not enthusiastic about this, so it is not good. I would add that there is a child in you and your partner's life now, so whatever choices you make in the realm of a family dynamic must make responsible parenthood the primary element.
TALK TALK TALK
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
The problem of people loudly speaking on cell phones in virtually every public space I go to has become intolerable. In restaurants, on the street, in retail stores, in business offices, airports, and bus and train stations, the cell phones are everywhere, and people seem to feel the need to raise their voices beyond normal conversational levels. I also notice that most of the conversations could hardly be considered crucial communications ("Hey, whatta youse doin' " "I dunno, Marty, whatta youse doin'?"). What can be done about this?
Leonard
Dear Leonard,
Outside of encouraging those in charge at retail stores, restaurants, business offices and other public places to set a policy of no cell phone use, there is little one can do about a new form of rudeness and stupidity driven by technological change. Good luck.
Send questions and romantic quandaries totillie27@verizon.net.
