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32 worst lyrics of all time

The votes are in, Ms. Lavigne

THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE: are you surprised that "My Humps" won the poll?
First, a note on what we mean by the worst lyrics of all time. Keep in mind this isn’t a constitutional friggin’ ammendment, we bent our own rules along the way. set out to isolate the single line, or at most a couple of lines, within a popular song that was the most horrific, the most god awful, the most offensively bad. The rest of the song’s lyrics could be worthy of Dylan (a guy who has been known to write a few bum lines every now and again). The music could’ve been Mozart (or Thom Yorke). We wanted the worst lines. And we got them.

And, before everyone starts in on us: yes, we know, it's hard to write a song, we've never written any popular songs, these people sleep with beautiful women and/or men and/or both, yadda yadda yadda. Right, we're aware. Save the keystrokes, Mr. Aiken.

THE SONG: Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps"
THE LYRIC:“My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps.”
THE VERDICT: This has got to be the least appealing description for the female anatomy every conceived.

THE SONG: LFO, “Summer Girls”
THE LYRIC:“New Kids On the Block had a bunch of hits / Chinese food makes me sick / And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer.”
THE VERDICT: We would print out the whole song, but we threw up after they rhymed “speakin’” with “Alex P. Keaton.”

THE SONG: Chubb Rock, Mr. Large”
THE LYRIC: “Like Mario Puzo, I'm The Don. W-W-I'M-THE-SHIT-DOT-COM”
THE VERDICT: We keep trying to get to this website. Keep getting error messages. Oh, wait. Yeah, he only says two Ws. The last W was obviously being reserved for “what the fuck?”

THE SONG: Eminem, "Ass Like That"
THE LYRIC: “I ain’t never seen an ass like that / The way you move it, you make my peepee go DOING DOING DOING”
THE VERDICT: One 'doing' would have sufficed, no?

THE SONG: Avril Lavigne, "Sk8r Boi"
THE LYRIC: “He was a boy, she was a girl / Can I make it any more obvious.”
THE VERDICT: Ma’am, could you make it a bit more obvious? We’re not all sophisticated like y’all Degrassi-watching Canadians. By the way, it's been pointed out before, but we've never known a "Sk8tr Boi" who had anything resembling girl trouble.

THE SONG: Warrant, "Cherry Pie"
THE LYRIC: “Swingin' in the living room / Swingin' in the kitchen / Most folks don't / 'cause they're too busy bitchin' /  Swingin' in there 'cause / She wanted me to feed her / So I mixed up the batter / And she licked the beater.”
THE VERDICT: The reason most people don’t swing? Because they’re too busy bitching. Makes sense to us.

THE SONG: Spice Girls, “Wannabe”
THE LYRIC: "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”
THE VERDICT: Okay, no guy is going to say no to that (as long as Gerri turns the lights off).
THE OTHER LYRIC: “Make it last forever. Friendship never ends” 
THE VERDICT: Okay, girl power, we get it. Don’t really see how it has anything to do with us guys, but fine.
STILL MORE LYRIC: “If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give”
THE VERDICT: Alright, now it’s getting a little annoying. I’m fucking all four of your friends, like you told me to in the first line. What else do you want?
THE FINAL LYRIC: "Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.” 
THE VERDICT: Slam your body down and zigazig ah, indeed. And yeah, we know, 1996 called and they want their jokes back.

THE SONG: Train “Drops of Jupiter”
THE LYRIC: “Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation /The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me”
THE VERDICT: First we’re traveling in space all fine and dandy, then he starts name-dropping fads from the year 2000 as if it’s a VH1 special and he’s Hal Sparks. Soy Lattes? Tae Bo? Yes, Venus did blow our minds.

THE SONG: America, "A Horse With No Name"
THE LYRIC:"There were plants and birds and rocks and things"
THE VERDICT: What, did he get tired? Rocks and things? Try a fuckin’ cactus. Dirt? Bugs?

THE SONG: Limp Bizkit, "Break Stuff"
THE LYRIC: "It's just one of those days/When you don't wanna wake up/Everything is fucked / Everybody sucks/You don't really know why/But you wanna justify/Rippin' someone's head off" 
THE VERDICT: Music is supposed to move people. This song just happened to move people to assault women and set fires at Woodstock ’99.

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32 worst lyrics of all time
Great list: On Destiny's Child, Bills, Bills, Bills, I love the sarcastic comments :) No, I'm being serious. Really!
By Veector on 06/14/2006 at 10:46:03
32 worst lyrics of all time
"Porcupine Pie," by Neil Diamond Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie Vanilla Soup, a double scoop please No, maybe I won't, maybe I won't, maybe I will The tutti fruit with fruity blue cheese Ah, but Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie Don't let it get on your jeans And though it sounds a little strange Well, you gotta eat it with gloves Or your hands will turn green Ah, but porcupine pie, porcupine pie, porcupine pie, It weaves its way through my dreams, And I do believe I'm gonna have one and Leave enough room for dessert, chicken ripple ice cream.
By MM on 06/14/2006 at 1:50:30
32 worst lyrics of all time
I can't remember her name, but I will never get these bad lyrics out of my head -and it's not just the words, its the way she has to force the rhyme into the line: "..she's precocious, and she knows just what it takes to.. make a pro blush." (Bette Davis Eyes)
By FFMand on 06/16/2006 at 8:58:57
32 worst lyrics of all time
This one has to get honorable mention: THE SONG: Heaven knows I'm miserable now THE LYRIC: "I was looking for a job, and then I found a job" Ask those down at the Pine Street Inn if it's just that easy Mr. Morrissey.
By djkitt on 06/16/2006 at 7:21:00
32 worst lyrics of all time
Great list, but it's incomplete without a showing from Alanis Morrisette, the patron saint of awful lyrics. My vote would have been for the "I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner" line from "You Oughta Know," but surely there are many other choices.
By ThingyBlahBlah3 on 06/22/2006 at 11:37:16
32 worst lyrics of all time
What?! No "If there a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be a alarmed now. It's just a sprinkling for the may queen."?
By Rantipole on 06/24/2006 at 10:53:04
32 worst lyrics of all time
Lest we forget the poet L. Kravitz, "I want to get away.,,, I want to flyyy awayhhh, yeah, yeah. I think he stole this from Lennon/McCartney.
By McMaster on 06/25/2006 at 9:09:37
32 worst lyrics of all time
She bangs, she bangs Oh baby when she moves, she moves I go crazy 'cause she Looks like a flower But she stings like a bee Like every girl in history She bangs alright. These lyrics rattle like a tinny jalopy driven too many times. Don't know if it's the echo of Muhammed Ali or the tired 'every rose has it's thorn'/'femme fatale' theme...
By Muhammed_Ali on 06/27/2006 at 7:44:23
32 worst lyrics of all time
She bangs, she bangs Oh baby when she moves, she moves I go crazy 'cause she Looks like a flower But she stings like a bee Like every girl in history She bangs alright. These lyrics rattle like a tinny jalopy driven too many times. Don't know if it's the echo of Muhammed Ali or the tired 'every rose has it's thorn'/'femme fatale' theme that bother me more...
By Muhammed_Ali on 06/27/2006 at 7:44:43
32 worst lyrics of all time
I can not believe that no one entered that Get What You Give song by New Radicals. The song makes me embarrassed to own a radio. And does the band's name count as lyrics?
By on 06/29/2006 at 11:54:14
32 worst lyrics of all time
Steve Miller's oeuvre is full of howlers, but this one rhyme has always bugged me: "Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas You know he knows just exactly what the facts is" I'm pretty sure Dave Barry has gotten multiple columns out of this one lyric.
By MC Slim JB on 06/29/2006 at 2:47:47
32 worst lyrics of all time
Shakira: Whenever, Wherever "Lucky that my breasts are small and humble So you don't confuse them with mountains" Yeah, good thing. I was always trying to rapel down my last girlfriend's chest.
By law school on 06/29/2006 at 10:37:49
32 worst lyrics of all time
Seconded on Shakira and "porcupine pie"...That one's just...."What the hell were you smoking?" quality. And the first...well. You can't put it better than lawschool did.
By [-Scorpio-] on 06/30/2006 at 6:05:24
32 worst lyrics of all time
Men Without Hats...Pop Goes the World with the lines "One, two, three and four is five/Everyone here is a friend of mine." So you can count? Anyone got a better line than that? Anyone, anyone?
By projconn on 06/30/2006 at 11:07:38
32 worst lyrics of all time
Since the article mentions some obscure songs by Genesis and Rush, I'll mention a couple of songs off of the last Donnas album that not many people have heard: From "It Takes One to Know One" (yeah, the titular cliché is sung in the song, but there's worse) "Tell me, am I speaking English / or is this just a deathwish?!" It sounds even worse than it reads because it leads into an angry guitar riff of the bridge which I imagine is supposed to punctuate the lyric, but the combination is about as explosive as a pop gun. The entire lyrics of "Don't Break Me Down" "Don't break me, don't break me down / Can't you see my hands on the ground? / I can't remember my name / And I promise it won't be the same // Did you steal it? Can you feel it? / 'Cause I'm starting to feel it now / So don't break me down // Don't break me, don't break me down / Don't bury my words in the ground / I can't sleep at night / And I know without me that you're not alright // Can you taste it? Can you face it? / 'Cause I'm ready to face it now / So don't break me down // [instrumental bridge] // Don't break me, don't break me down / Can't you see my hands on the ground / I know I'm holding on too tight / But just give me some time and I'll get it right // [etc.]"
By Greg the Gruesome on 07/02/2006 at 3:58:02
32 worst lyrics of all time
Ok, the Rush song is based on a Samuel Taylor Coleridge poem called, Kubla Khan and the lyrics are based directly on the text of the poem.
By Suburban Dad on 07/07/2006 at 9:00:13
32 worst lyrics of all time
Bette Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes How about The Smith's - Cemetry Gates -"They were born, then they lived and then they died" Uh, yeah Just reprint the lyric sheet to My Humps - reeeeeeaaally bad! Talk about filler!
By Suburban Dad on 07/07/2006 at 9:11:00
32 worst lyrics of all time
Four words: Please pardon the grammar. As a matter of fact that whole freakin song should be on this list one line at a time. Just f-ing bad. How the hell has Rod Stewart gotten away with being terrible all these years?
By BRay747474 on 07/11/2006 at 6:27:42
32 worst lyrics of all time
what about Hall & Oates "She's Gone" "Let the carbon and monoxide choke my thoughts away", Hello? isn't it Carbon monoxide, there is no "and", its a chemical. and what about America's "Ventura Highway"? "alligator lizards in the air"...isn't the lizard part redundant? i know there is an alligator lizard, which isn't an alligator, but this line is still stupid...
By jetaspirin on 07/19/2006 at 11:45:07
32 worst lyrics of all time
The lyric is 'its just a spring clean for the may queen'. Not 'sprinkling'. Must be my brummy accent.
By Robert Plant on 07/21/2006 at 7:31:29
32 worst lyrics of all time
'Got To Write a Classic' by Adrian Gurvitz should have pride of place on this list. I won't quote snippets of it because the whole song manages to be consistently awful.
By Lung the Younger on 07/21/2006 at 8:28:59
32 worst lyrics of all time
For me, the worst lyrics will always be from Stone Temple Pilots "Plush": And I feel when the dogs begin to smell here/ Will she smell alone? First of all, the dogs are only beginning to smell her so there's the promise of more smelling in the future. I'm pretty sure it comes later in the song. Either way, the question remains: will she smell alone? The answer, of course, lies in the universal question, do dogs count as company? Unless these are bloodhounds or something, beginning to smell her from, like, somewhere far away, in which case, she could be smelling alone somewhere in the woods nearby, as long as she hasn't waded across a river to get rid of her scent.
By hello utah on 07/21/2006 at 10:00:22
32 worst lyrics of all time
The Starship lyric is especially funny considering the "Starship corporation" had changed names twice by that point.
By Hubajube on 07/21/2006 at 12:14:55
32 worst lyrics of all time
"I don't want no scrubs-- a scrub being hermetically defined as a guy that can't get no love from me." I win.
By joshsmoses on 07/21/2006 at 2:30:03
32 worst lyrics of all time
toto -- africa I know that I must do what's right As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Ser-an-getti 'nuff said.
By pinkygonzales on 07/21/2006 at 5:51:07
32 worst lyrics of all time
You know, I would hope that before making fun of the lyrics of a song with such an odd, yet familiar-sounding name as "Xanadu," that you would bother Googling it first. // From Samuel Taylor Coleridge's rather famous poem, "Kubla Khan," which begins as follows: "In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree: Where Alph, the sacred river, ran, Through caverns measureless to man Down to a sunless sea." Nearly every bizarre image of the song appears in the poem. Rather than being patent nonsense, as you imply, the song is an allusion to one of the great works of English literature. You morons.
By pat kelly on 07/22/2006 at 12:36:49
32 worst lyrics of all time
How about: "Girl I've been knowin' you since you were ten/you cannot hide from your friends." From "Girl" by Destiny's Child. I think that is even worse than "Bills." Ugh.
By Danielle on 07/22/2006 at 11:09:31
32 worst lyrics of all time
Makes me laugh every time: Rick Springfield. Jesse's Girl. "...but she starts talkin cute/I wanna tell her that I love her/But the point is probably mute." Let's see ... what rhymes with cute ... loot ... boot ... shoot .... oh, I got it! MUTE.
By chillitiger on 07/22/2006 at 11:46:24
32 worst lyrics of all time
You guys know that the "Xanadu" lyrics are a direct reworking of Coleridge's "Kubla Khan", right?
By Roz McClure on 07/23/2006 at 6:50:34
32 worst lyrics of all time
In Jesse's girl, it's actually MOOT, which means debatable...still not a gem. Snow, "Informer"...the entire song is filled with crap.
By nat620 on 07/24/2006 at 11:24:46

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