BLAZE OF GLORY: How long before a famous athlete is killed by police in a Taser incident?

Not that we at the Phoenix aren’t deeply prejudiced against Canadians — as all good Americans are — but we had to get this in. A reader sent the following note:

Matt,
Please don’t ignore CFL players who get tasered!
Mark

Mark then called attention to the following story, the latest incident in what might someday be known as the North American Taser Rampage of 2006. According to police in British Columbia, wide receiver T.J. Acree of the CFL’s British Columbia Lions was zapped with a Taser last month after allegedly refusing to cooperate with authorities in the midst of an altercation in downtown Vancouver. Apparently Acree, who was intoxicated at the time of the incident, got in a fight with a 19-year-old man outside a sushi restaurant. Sorry, Canada, but that’s the difference between you and us: our pre-Taser altercations take place in the parking lots of bodacious Texas strip clubs; yours start over the avocado content of California rolls.

In a trend that seems to be gaining momentum, Acree was Tasered twice. A similar fate befell University of Texas players Tarrell Brown and Tyrell Gatewood, who were blasted by nervous sheriff’s deputies in August. Police also administered multiple Taserings to Maurice Clarett and angry Miami hotel dweller/Detroit Piston center Dale Davis.

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You heard it here first: sooner, rather than later, a famous athlete is going to die in a Taser incident, and the mother of all lawsuits is going to follow. Taser-happy police have flown under the radar in the past few years, but Amnesty International claims that more than 150 Americans have been killed in Taser attacks since 2001. The Louisville Courier-Journal this year reported that Louisville metro police have Tasered some 70 mentally ill people in the last two years, zapped 15 people already in handcuffs, shot a 15-year-old in the penis, and even zonked a brain-damaged paraplegic who had fallen out of his wheelchair.

It should come as no surprise, then, that an unruly parent at a football game for 7- and 8-year-olds in O’Fallon, Missouri, was blasted twice with a Taser last weekend. According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, the parent had been shouting obscenities and was asked to settle down by an on-duty police officer who came to watch his son play. When the father refused — bam! Two zaps and Dad crumpled. “The officer warned him many times to cool it,” said Patrick D. Brown, grandfather of one of the players.

We’ll keep you posted on the latest developments in Taser justice. And, readers, if you hear anything along these lines, send the news to the address below.

Lean is mean
Nothing upsets this reporter more than the persistent persecution of opium addicts in this country. Here you have a perfectly nice NFL strong safety: minding his own business, patrolling the deep center of the field in the cover-2, and laying out receivers on post routes. We can’t let this good citizen drink bottles of cough syrup at home if he wants? Isn’t this supposed to be a free country?

Yes, Terrence Kiel, the starting strong safety for the San Diego Chargers, was busted last week in what is apparently the first arrest related to “lean,” a/k/a codeine-based cough syrup mixed with soda and/or other drugs. As a long-time consumer of such concoctions, having spent many years engaged in Beavis and Butthead–esque buzz hunting overseas, I’m amazed that a starting NFL defensive back can’t score better drugs. But apparently Terry Kiel couldn’t. He was caught shipping at least two parcels of codeine syrup to an address in Texas. Cops executing a search warrant found large quantities of codeine-based liquids in his home. It may be that Kiel was involved with selling the stuff — in fact, he has been charged with three counts of possession for sale of a controlled substance. Pint bottles of “lean” can go for up to $300 on the street; it has been rumored that Kiel was in financial trouble.

Kiel was born to be a Cincinnati Bengal, although his story bears a closer resemblance to that of onetime Arizona Cardinal fullback Dennis McKinley, who was arrested for heading a drug ring after he fell into money problems a few years back. Kiel, NFL devotees may remember, was shot three times in a carjacking incident shortly after being drafted in 2003.

When he’s not googling “cough syrup” and “where can I get some?”, Matt Taibbi is writing for Rolling Stone. He can be reached at M_Taibbi@yahoo.com .