You’ve got to hand it to Dick Cheney, vice president and fictional MAXIMUM RULER OF THE UNIVERSE. He makes Nixon look modest and sane.
Back in 2001, “Big Time” tried to block disclosure of the names of the energy industry officials who had been meeting with his “task force” (The task: to enrich same officials at the expense of the average American citizen. The result: bend over, America!) This year, he’s decided that it is perfectly appropriate to conceal the names of all those people he sees in the White House. Don’t you just love how he embraces that concept of “public servant”?
Now he’s decided that he doesn’t have to provide the Information Security Oversight Office of the National Archives with any information, despite a presidential executive order that requires all agencies of the executive branch to hand this information over. Cheney says he doesn’t have to do it because his position on the role of the vice president is that it is neither fish nor fowl — that because the VP presides over the Senate and can make tie-breaking votes, he’s not really part of the executive branch.
Outside of the Greek God Testicleus, we’ve never heard of such large and completely illegitimate cojones being sported by anyone. Too bad Rush Limbaugh is a right-wing butt-boy, because he’d have a great time with this if it were, say, Al Gore, making this argument. But it’s Rush’s boy, Dickie Deadeye, the world’s greatest hunter, who suggested this garbage, so Rushbo can’t wait to bend over and prepare to receive the Veep’s propaganda.
One of the best parts of this totally contrived controversy is that the Information Security Oversight Office, in following official protocol, is seeking a legal interpretation from Attorney General Alberto Gonzales on the issue. That’s sort of like the mustachioed swell from the Monopoly game petitioning Curly about a beef he’s got with Moe.
So how far will “Hi Ho, Guantanamo” Dick go? Who knows, but there’s plenty of time for a martial law scenario to rear its acned puss. Never count out the vice president’s capacity for evil.
Taking a stand
It is easy to beat up on Attorney General Patrick Lynch, but we believe that his aborted threat to not sign off on tobacco funds for this year’s budget was responsible and provided a bit of accountability to a legislature whose members would mug their mothers for the change in their purses.
Almost everyone at Halitosis Hall always looks for the easy way out. Instead, lawmakers should be tossing less money to their pet projects. Social and environmental agencies always get the hammer between the eyes, as if the needs of Rhode Island’s children and the biggest economic resource in the state — Narragansett Bay — don’t account for anything. Let P&J summon up the Sex Pistols’ refrain from “God Save the Queen”: “No future, no future, no future for you.”
This is very visionary, senators and reps.
Welcome to america
In P&J’s second installment of our public service to help illegal immigrants assimilate in the United States of the Americas, we will focus on how to inquire about the time of day in an urban environment.
One should approach a stranger on the street with a smile, and simply ask, “Que hora es, or should I just go fuck myself?” Then duck.
M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E
Your superior correspondents love the morning weekend news on Channel 12, if only because it is local, and does not feature hideous self-absorbed talking hairdos, like Campbell Brown, Lester Holt, and Ann Curry on NBC, or whatever ladder-climbing imbecile they throw in front of the camera. Plus, Charles Osgood always shows up to rescue the day on Sunday with easily the best morning show on TV.
That said, could someone at WPRI please insert two people to host their Sunday morning slot with a wee bit more gravitas than Mark Zinni and Michelle Muscatello? Watching these two reminds us of a high school video class production, what with the slap-and-tickle squealing while discussing deaths in Iraq. Come on, folks. (And might P&J recommend giving Mike Montecalvo a shot at the weekend anchor desk on weekends?)
Riding the proverbial
P&J are not easily put off our feed, but we must raise the issue of a new TV ad for Kotex. Is it just us, or when the voiceover an¬nouncer says, of their new “wings” version, to “Take it for a spin,” it might not be the exact way we would refer to a woman’s hygiene product. What’s next? Condoms? Yeah, take one for a ride.
